Although I didn't drink any alcohol this weekend it has nonetheless been pretty difficult to recover from, and I profess I was on the verge of dozing off while reading some of these chapters. Good thing I am so fervently devoted to this blog! I will do my best to summarize the events of these ten chapters in an amusing fashion, but given the circumstances I can't make any promises.
In chapter 28, another prophet named Hananiah shows up and contradicts Jeremiah, saying "within two years [God] shall restore to this place everything which King Nebuchadnezzar of Babylon took from the Lord's house and carried off to Babylon... I shall break the yoke of the king of Babylon" (Jeremiah 28:3-4). Jeremiah is totally snarky when he responds, telling Hananiah that it's a GREAT PREDICTION but unfortunately "if a prophet foretells prosperity, it will be known that the Lord has sent him only when his words come true" (Jeremiah 28:9). In other words, we'll believe it when we see it!
If you remember from yesterday's reading, Jeremiah put a yoke around his neck as some weird kind of performance art/visual aid, and Hananiah breaks it. This totally pisses God off, and he smites down the false prophet, saying, "You have broken bars of wood; in their place you will get bars of iron" (Jeremiah 28:13). Ugh, nice going, asshole!
After all this fun, Jeremiah writes a letter to the exiled Judean leadership, telling them that they should continue to be "fruitful" because God is going to let them go back to Jerusalem in seventy years and they need to be prepared for it! He writes a similar letter to one of his pals, a fellow prophet named Shemaiah, telling him that the exile will be a lengthy one.
Chapters 30 and 31 are mostly in verse, with God and Jeremiah talking about how no one should worry too much because the restored Israel is going to be AWESOME, even though things suck right now. God uses this intriguing metaphor to describe the suffering people: "Enquire and see: can a man bear a child? Why then do I see every man gripping his sides like a woman in labor?" (Jeremiah 30:6).
Oh boy.
Chapter 32 confused me a little but from what I can tell, Jeremiah gets imprisoned and then buys a plot of land. After this ordeal he prays to God and they talk about how Israel is doomed but will eventually be redeemed. Smart to buy real estate right now, Jeremiah, because the value is gonna skyrocket!
In chapter 34 the narrative picks up a little; Jeremiah goes to King Zedekiah and tells him that he must hand over Jerusalem to the Babylonian king, explaining that he will be captured but not killed: "You will die a peaceful death," he tells the monarch, "and [the people] will kindle funeral fires in your honor" (Jeremiah 34:5). After this there is a bit of a drama-rama because the people are breaking the laws that God decreed back in Exodus about not enslaving fellow Jews. Well, they were breaking every other law so they just figured they'd make a complete job of it!
Chapter 35 contains a parable about the Rechabite family, who don't drink wine because their forefathers also didn't drink wine. God thinks this is AWESOME and a great example of people who "obey their ancestor's command" (Jeremiah 35:14), contrasting them with the disobedient Israelites.
After this great moral lesson, Jeremiah decides to send his trusty scribe sidekick, Baruch, to make a speech at the temple (since Jeremiah can't go there without getting stoned to death or yelled at or something). He goes and prophesies about all the approaching doom, and uncharacteristically the king's advisers take him quite seriously. They tell him to go into hiding with Jeremiah, then go to tell the king the bad news. Zedekiah, however, thinks it's all a bunch of bullshit and lights Baruch's scrolls on fire.
By chapter 37 Jeremiah has apparently come out of hiding, because Zedekiah asks him to "intercede on our behalf with the Lord our God" (Jeremiah 37:4). At this point, the Pharaoh invades the region and some group called the Chaldaens fights them off. Jeremiah cautions, "Do not delude yourselves by imagining that the Chaldaens will go away and leave you alone" (Jeremiah 37:9). True to his word, the Chaldaens attack Jerusalem, and Jeremiah flees to Benjamite territory. Once there, he is arrested and accused of defecting to the Chaldaens. Obviously he's not because first of all who the hell are they and second of all why is their name so difficult to spell?!!! but the authorities don't see this obvious logic and throw Jeremiah into a pit, where he remains for "many days" (Jeremiah 37:16).
Man, this guy just can't catch a break!
Zedekiah eventually pulls him out of the pit for long enough to question him about his motives. Jeremiah demands, "What wrong have I done to you or your courtiers or this people, that you have thrown me into prison?" (Jeremiah 37:18). Zedekiah doesn't actually answer the question, but he does put Jeremiah back in jail.
Geez Louise.
To wrap up today's entry, here's a fun fact! Apparently there is a French noun inspired by Jeremiah -- jérémiade -- which means "a mournful complaint." Jeremiah certainly does have a lot to complain about mournfully! I'm glad he got a noun for his troubles.
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