Day 81, Acts 15-24

The biblical fun continues! Unfortunately, Acts is not anywhere near as exciting as the Gospels, and basically just entails Paul and his pals traveling all over the place on motorcycles, wearing leather jackets and looking for America. In the end, they all watch the sunset and think about old Dean Moriarty, the father they never found. Just kidding! They're actually traveling all around the Mediterranean to spread the word of CHRIST. That's almost as cool, right?

To give you an idea of all the crazy places they go, here's a map:

 

Pretty extensive, huh? I didn't pay a lot of attention to the specific locations, since most of them have old names and are unrecognizable, but everything basically turns out the same wherever he goes. Paul has reasonable success at converting people, particularly Gentiles, and causes some controversy with the local Jewry and other leaders. 

Our tale starts out on a sad note, however. As you may recall, throughout the beginning of Acts, Paul had been accompanied by his pal Barnabas. One day Barnabas decides that the dynamic duo isn't GOOD ENOUGH for him and tells Paul he wants to bring along Mark too. Paul totally doesn't want to do this, and they are ultimately unable to reconcile their differences. They part ways, Barnabas going with Mark and Paul rebounding with Silas. 

Lovesick, heartbroken, and estranged, Paul continues on his mission. Okay, he's actually not lovesick, heartbroken, or estranged. I just made that up to add dramatic tension. Anyway, he and Silas encounter a pious fellow named Timothy and ask him to join them, and soon after Paul is called to Macedonia in a dream. They arrive on the islands and convert a woman named Lydia, then encounter an annoying slave girl who can perform divination. She follows them around for days, "crying out, 'These men are servants of the Most High God, who proclaim to you the way of salvation'" (Acts 16:17), which annoys Paul so much that finally he turns and exorcises a demon from her, making it so she can't perform magic anymore. Her owners -- who had exploited her talent for money -- are super pissed and rally the townspeople against Paul and company.

The trio get put in jail, but soon after there is an earthquake and the doors open. The guard thinks the prisoners have escaped and tries to kill himself, but Paul stops him and converts him to Christianity. God, this is a weird fucking story!

After the incident in Macedonia, Paul goes to Athens, where he is the subject of much intrigue among the philosophers. He makes a big ol' speech and converts a bunch of Athenians, then heads off to Corinth, where he stays for a year and a half.

Since Paul is so freaking devout and an instrument of God and all that, he can perform miracles like Jesus, but when others try to imitate him -- performing exorcisms "by the Jesus whom Paul proclaims" (Acts 19:13) -- it doesn't work. In fact, it works so poorly that instead of being exorcised, the evil spirits "[leap] on them, [master] all of them and [overpower] them, so that they [flee] out of the house naked and wounded" (Acts 19:16).

Well that sucks!

A rather funny incident happens in chapter 20, when Paul is preaching. A young man named Eutychus grows bored and falls asleep next to a window, which he then FALLS OUT OF AND DIES. Paul resurrects him, like a boss.

After this, Paul makes a nice farewell speech and keeps on keepin' on, returning to Jerusalem to visit his old pal James. Didn't James die? Maybe it's another James. Anyway, while he's there he gets arrested, and the people want to beat the shit out of him, but he reveals that he is a Roman citizen. You're totally not allowed to beat the shit out of a Roman citizen, so they let it go. Paul also makes a speech to the crowd, telling the story of his conversion to Christianity and then cleverly turning the masses against each other. He notices that the crowd is comprised of a mixture of Pharisees and Sadducees, and professes that "I am a Pharisee... It is with respect to the hope and the resurrection of the dead that I am on trial" (Acts 23:6).

The Pharisees and Sadducees are in constant debate about whether or not resurrection is real, so they start bitching at each other instead of focusing on Paul, who is led back to the barracks.

The calm does not last long, however, because a plot to kill Paul emerges among the Jewish leadership. His nephew overhears it and clues him in, and Paul is sent to the governor, Felix. Felix seems to be a nice enough guy, but he sort of blows Paul off and our hero is left in jail to rot!

What will happen next? Will Paul escape prison, or be executed? Will he make up with Barnabas and buy a house in the suburbs, or will his new flame Silas capture his heart? Stay tuned and find out!