Day 78, John 7-15

Wow. John has definitely usurped "favorite gospel" status from Luke. It's just so intense and emotional! I WANNA CRY FOREVER!

Today's reading begins during the Feast of Tabernacles, or Sukkot. Jesus's brothers try to convince him to go to Jerusalem with them, but he blows them off because all the Jews are plotting to kill him. Then, like an asshole, he goes later by himself! Why is Jesus such a jerk to his whole family?

Once in Jerusalem, he stupidly draws attention to himself by teaching in the temple. The authorities come to arrest him, but he's like, "Nah guys, can't you do this later?" and they are so baffled by him that no one can manage to do the deed and lock him up. 

In chapter 8, the disciples bring to him a woman who has been "caught in the act of adultery" (John 8:4) and ask if they should stone her to death. Jesus doesn't respond at first, opting instead to draw pretty pictures in the sand with his fingers. Clearly unable to comprehend that he's BUSY!!!, the people keep pestering him, and like a boss Jesus says to them, "Let him who is without sin among you be the first to throw a stone at her" (John 8:7). He goes back to his doodles, and rather sheepishly, the people file out. Jesus then turns to the woman and tells her that he doesn't condemn her for what she has done.

Jesus proceeds to piss everyone off by making speeches about how he is the "light of the world" and how the "truth will set you free" and all sorts of crazy stuff like that. He says that his followers will have eternal life, which really sets everyone off: "Are you greater than our father Abraham, who died?" they demand. "And the prophets died! Who do you make yourself out to be?" (John 8:52).

In general, the people are a lot more antagonistic towards Jesus in John's gospel than in the synoptics. In chapter 9, he heals a blind man, but no one is willing to believe it. They go to the blind man's family, but fearing exile from the temple, they refuse to give a straight answer about what went down: "He will speak for himself," they say of their son, "because they feared the Jews...[who] agreed that if anyone should confess Jesus to be Christ, he was to be put out of the synagogue" (John 9:21-22). Can I just say that these parents are assholes? When the son tells the truth, HE gets kicked out of the temple instead. Way to fuck over your formerly blind son, guys!

Jesus keeps on making crazy speeches and analogies, comparing himself to a "good shepherd...[who] lays down his life for the sheep" (John 10:11). I've got to say, you'd have to be a pretty devoted shepherd to die for SHEEP, but let's just roll with the metaphor. After his speech, everyone tries to stone Jesus. Everyone is constantly trying to stone Jesus in John's Gospel.

Chapter 11 is full of action, and kicks off with Jesus receiving a message that his pal Lazarus, brother of Mary and Martha, is ill. He tells the disciples that they should all go back to Judea, to which they respond, "Rabbi, the Jews were just now seeking to stone you, and you are going there again?" (John 11:8). That's right, 'cause Jesus DOES WHAT HE WANTS!! By the time the gang arrives in Bethany, however, Lazarus has already been dead for four days. Mary and Martha come out to greet Jesus, and they all cry together, which is kind of sweet. Some of the Jews apparently think so too, remarking, "See how he loved him!" but others are more cynical, asking, "Could not he who opened the eyes of the blind man also have kept this man from dying?" (John 11:36-37).

Although Jesus didn't keep Lazarus from dying, he compensates by raising him from the dead. Pretty wild stuff! Here's the obligatory T.S. Eliot reference to the event, from The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock: 

And would it have been worth it, after all,

After the cups, the marmalade, the tea,

Among the porcelain, among some talk of you and me,

Would it have been worth while,

To have bitten off the matter with a smile,

To have squeezed the universe into a ball

To roll it toward some overwhelming question,

To say: “I am Lazarus, come from the dead,

Come back to tell you all, I shall tell you all”--

If one, settling a pillow by her head,

Should say: “That is not what I meant at all;

That is not it, at all.”

Wow!!! I freaking love T.S. Eliot!!

Anyway, after this cool little miracle, the plot to kill Jesus thickens over in Jerusalem. The priests debate among themselves about what they should do, fretting that Jesus's prominence will cause the Romans to take away their relative sovereignty over Judea. A high priest named Caiaphas declares that, "It is better for you that one man should die for the people, not that the whole nation should perish" (John 11:50) and this seems to become the adopted stance of the community leaders.

Meanwhile, back in Bethany, the apostles have dinner with Mary, Martha, and Lazarus, and Mary causes a bit of a stir by anointing Jesus with expensive oil. Here, it is Judas Iscariot who criticizes her, noting that the ointment should have been sold for the poor. However, it is noted that he does not actually care about the poor, and is in fact "a thief, and having charge of the moneybag he used to help himself to what was put into it" (John 12:6). What a jerk! Jesus responds with his creepy line about the ointment being for his burial.

Chapter 12 also contains Jesus's "triumphant" entry into Jerusalem, where the people enthusiastically welcome him, although none of them seem to have a whole lot of faith in him. His speeches generally piss people off, and they're always throwing rocks at him. Here, he discusses his messianic role with the people, declaring that, "If anyone hears my words and does not keep them, I do not judge him; for I did not come to judge the world but to save the world" (John 12:47). You hear that, everyone? Jesus doesn't want to judge us! Well, I assume it probably means he doesn't want to judge us unless we're gay, poor, liberal, or an ethnic minority. That's sort of a given, right?

Next we have the Last Supper, which is such a sad affair. Unlike in the Synoptic Gospels, Jesus does not institute the Eucharist. Instead, he puts on a loincloth and washes the feet of his disciples! At first Peter is like, "Dude, you don't have to do this," but Jesus insists, after which Peter gets really into it: "Lord, not my feet only but also my hands and my head!" (John 13:9).

"Um... No," says Jesus.

After he finishes, Jesus explains his actions to the apostles: "If I, then, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also ought to wash one another's feet. For I have given you an example, that you also should do just as I have done to you" (John 13:14-15). God, it's so sad! Don't you think this is a sad story? I sure do!!

The betrayal seems to fuse elements from all three of the synoptic Gospels; like Luke, John attributes Judas's betrayal to demonic possession of some kind, but Jesus's response is more like Matthew: "What you are going to do," he tells his friend, "do quickly" (John 13:27).

After Judas leaves, the whole dinner turns into an adorable little love-fest. It's like freaking Woodstock! Jesus tells the apostles, "A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you are to love one another" (John 13:34). The apostles are both sad and confused by everything that's going on, and Thomas expresses some doubt: "Lord, we do not know where you are going. How can we know the way?" (John 14:5). Jesus responds that he is "the way, and the truth, and the life" (John 14:6) and that believing in him is synonymous with believing in God.

In chapter 15, Jesus reiterates his commandment that the apostles love each other, adding that "Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends... No longer do I call you servants, for the servant does not know what his master is doing; but I have called you friends, for all that I have heard from my Father I have made known to you" (John 15:13-15).

Doesn't it all just tear at your heartstrings? Don't you want to claw out your own eyes?

Tomorrow we finish John and start Acts of the Apostles. I actually have never ventured past the Gospels and I have no idea what's coming. Should be exciting.

And hey, less than two weeks left of this! Gee whiz!