I don't believe I'm doing this right now, since I've spent the entire day writing a term paper and I am mentally exhausted. But my devotion to this project knows no bounds, and the universe decided to reward me tonight by giving me a very raunchy reading! I'm digging this Ezekiel cat so far!
Chapter 16 kicks off with a very sex-laden metaphor about Israel being a woman. As a child, God finds "her" in the road covered in blood and helps her recover. When Israel gets "old enough for love" he "spread[s] the corner of his garment over [her] and cover[s her] naked body" (Ezekiel 16:8). Then they "enter into a covenant" which totally means they HAVE SEX in the context of this metaphor. Hee hee! Sex!!!!
Quite unfortunately, after Israel is such hot stuff she becomes a prostitute by making idols, which totally pisses God off. He says he is going to "deliver [Israel] into the hands of [her] lovers and they will tear down [her] mounds and destroy [her] lofty shrines" (Ezekiel 16:39). Well, that's what you get for being a dirty stinkin' WHORE!
Chapter 17 contains a parable about some eagles or something... The point is that the Israelites are going to get exiled. There's another parable about a cooking pot in chapter 24 that has a similar point. God really likes to repeat himself but mix it up by using animals, inanimate objects, and hookers to explain what he's thinking.
Chapter 18 is kind of interesting, because it's all about how God does not hold children responsible for the sins of their parents, and vice-versa. At one point he says, "Do I take any pleasure in the death of the wicked?" and then after a pause rephrases, "Rather, am I not pleased when they turn from their ways and live?" (Ezekiel 18:23). Hah! He had to alter the sentence because we all know he loves smiting people.
Chapter 19 is a lament, featuring some lions and vineyards, the typical fare. Then chapter 20 contains a little synopsis of everything that's happened in the bible so far, focusing on the theme of disobedience. It's not really hard to do since I don't think the Jews have ever been particularly well behaved in this book.
Even though it's not mentioned in the footnotes, I felt like chapter 21 had a bit of a messianic vibe. God recites a little poem about swords to suggest approaching catastrophe, concluding, "It will not be as it was: the lowly will be exalted and the exalted will be brought low. A ruin! A ruin! I will make it a ruin! The crown will not be restored until he to whom it rightfully belongs shall come; to him I will give it" (Ezekiel 21:26-27). Could that person be, perhaps, THE MESSIAH? Ziggy Stardust? Who knows!
God uses a lot of metaphors in Ezekiel; in chapter 22, he compares the people to bits of scrap metal and Jerusalem to a furnace, where he will "gather [the Israelites] and will blow on [them] with [his] fiery wrath, and [they] will be melted inside" (Ezekiel 22:21). In other words, God is REALLY pissed. I know he's pissed all the time, but I think they've pretty much got him at his limit right now.
Chapter 23 contains an even raunchier sex metaphor than the first one, comparing Samaria and Israel to two daughters named Oholah and Oholibah respectively. Cool names. God explains that they were both prostitutes in Egypt, where "their breasts were fondled and their virgin bosoms caressed" (Ezekiel 23:3). Excuse me, Biblical Author, but if they're prostitutes wouldn't "virgin" not be a very good adjective to describe their bosoms?
Anyway, Oholah aka Samaria lusts after the Assyrians, so God delivers her to them and they "[strip] her naked...and [kill] her with the sword" (Ezekiel 23:10). Oholibah, on the other hand, is even MORE depraved, and "lust[s] after lovers, whose genitals [are] like those of donkeys and whose emission [is] like that of horses" (Ezekiel 23:20). Whoa! Why wasn't this in my illustrated children's bible when I was growing up? That would have kept me interested.
Anyway, the moral of the story is DON'T BE A SICK PROSTITUTE.
In chapter 24 God is a total jerk and kills Ezekiel's wife, bidding him not mourn the tragedy in the traditional manner (ie ripping his clothes, beating on his breast, tearing out his beard, etc... these biblical folk tend to be very dramatic!) When the people ask him why he is behaving so oddly, God explains that "Ezekiel will be a sign to you; you will do just as he has done" (Ezekiel 24:24). In other words, the Jews aren't supposed to mourn the destruction of Judah. That's kind of a mean way to make a point, God!
Chapter 25 is a whole new bunch of punishments for other nations, which we've heard a million times. I'm exhausted and don't want to go into it. But anyway, I hope you liked today's reading as much as I did! Sex! Violence! Could we really ask for more?
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