Day 52, Isaiah 6-23

I feel kind of bad saying it, but so far Isaiah hasn't been particularly fun. Maybe my standards just got raised by Ecclesiastes and Song of Songs, or maybe I'm becoming too familiar with the ways of the bible -- for instance, a passage about eating children didn't even phase me, and a month ago I would have delighted in it! -- but I'm just not feeling it. Today's reading was a bit of a slog.

Also of note, a few summers ago I worked at a Jew camp, and there were two kids named Ezra and Isaiah. It is so weird to read these names associated with scary prophets, because all I can think of are cute and incredibly poorly behaved children.

Weird! Freaky! Well, it was just Halloween.

Anyway, on with the show. Chapter 6 describes Isaiah's calling to prophetdom. Basically he drops some LSD and has a crazy vision of God sitting surrounded by angels. When he sees this spectacle he freaks out, believing he is "doomed...[because he is] a man of unclean lips" (Isaiah 6:5), but God tells him not to worry about it and passes on a message of forthcoming doom and despair for the Jewish people.

Meanwhile, back in Judah, King Ahaz is growing wary of the political tension in the west, where Assyria is in conflict with Aram and Israel. The latter two nations try to get Ahaz to join their cause, and when he refuses they attack Judah. Ahaz wants to form an alliance with the Assyrians, but Isaiah warns him not to, predicting the birth of two boys who will serve as signs from God of approaching peace. The first boy will be named Immanuel, which means "God is with us" and -- get ready for this -- the second boy is named Maher-shalal-hash-baz which means "speedy spoiling prompt plundering." It's funny, because Immanuel is a pretty popular name to this day but I hardly ever encounter anyone named Maher-shalal-hash-baz! I wonder why!

In the next few chapters, God makes spooky predictions of doom for Israel's enemies, and talks briefly about the role of the prophet. In chapter 9, a future Davidic messiah is described: "He will bear the symbol of dominion on his shoulder, and his title will be: Wonderful Counselor, Mighty Hero, Eternal Father, Prince of Peace" (Isaiah 9:6). Isaiah is a pretty oft-quoted book among Christians, and I guess this kind of stuff is probably why. Apparently Immanuel (but not Maher-shalal-hash-baz!) will have some sort of significance in the New Testament as well.

In chapter 10, God talks about how pissed he is at the Judean people for being a bunch of whiny, ungrateful, incompetent fuck-ups. You remember them from Kings and Chronicles, right? We get a few vivid children-eating descriptions here. God goes on to explain how the Assyrians will conquer Judah, but actually he hates Assyria so afterwards he will punish them too. I once had a history teacher describe Syria as the "asshole of the Middle East" and I guess that also held true way back in biblical times.

Then in chapter 11 we get another description of the Davidic messiah, and all the peace and prosperity he will bring to the region, conquering other nations and allowing the exiles to return to the promised land in a second exodus.

The rest of today's reading consists of prophecies against foreign nations: Assyria, the Philistines, Egypt, Moab, and so on and so forth. It is really not particularly exciting, just the usual God-destroying-cities kind of stuff. Interestingly, at the end of it all, it is foretold that "Israel will rank as a third with Egypt and Assyria and be a blessing in the world" (Isaiah 19:24). In other words, these three warring nations are going to become best pals! Just like Harry, Ron, and Hermione! Gee whiz.

Chapter 20 is pretty great; Egypt tries to unite the small states of Palestine against Assyria, and in response God sends Isaiah to go before the Egyptians "naked and barefoot" (Isaiah 20:3) as some kind of portent. Then the Assyrians lead away the Egyptians and exiles of Cush "with their buttocks shamefully exposed" (20:4). So to put things simply, this chapter is all about a tush from Cush...

Oh man, I'm good.

Chapter 21 contains a vision of the fall of Babylon written by an unknown prophet, and chapter 22 tells about an event from circa 700 BCE when the Assyrians invaded Jerusalem but didn't destroy it. Is this book chronological at all? Who knows! Who cares! Anyway, the Israelites are totally naughty as per usual and the night before the attack they have a party instead of fasting and praying: "Let us eat and drink," they say, "for tomorrow we die!" (Isaiah 22:13). That's kind of a neat perspective. However, God doesn't think so, and he gives them one of his classic lectures. Chapter 23 returns to the oracles about enemy nations, in this case describing the imminent defeat of two Phonetician seaports.

And that's a wrap! Tomorrow we read more of Isaiah. Looking ahead, it sounds like there are a lot more oracles to come. Oh boy. See you then.