Day 70, Matthew 1-12

So begins the Gospel of Saint Matthew! Although it's really hard to date any of these books, Matthew is presumed to have been written around 90 CE, and is considered the most "Jewish" of the gospels. It is also one of the three "synoptic" gospels, along with Mark and Luke. This basically means that there is a lot of overlap between the three, whereas John deviates more. It is generally accepted that Mark was written first, and the authors of Matthew and Luke had read his work before writing their own. There are also theories about a second source (named "Q") that informed Matthew and Luke, explaining similarities that occur only in those two books. If it interests you, here is a chart detailing the relationship between the three synoptic gospels:

 

That being said, let's begin the reading! Matthew kicks off by providing us with a nice family tree of Jesus, starting with Abraham and including David; this of course emphasizes Jesus's connection with the Jewish people, and his divine right to rule. Interestingly, this lineage ends with Joseph rather than Mary, which makes sense in one regard -- since lineage is always traced through the male line in the bible -- but is also a little odd since Joseph isn't technically Jesus's father. Matthew could have saved a whole lot of time by detailing the family tree as such:

Holy Spirit --> Jesus

But hey, what are you going to do? Sometimes there are more important things that efficiency. 

After the family tree, the narrative starts. Jesus's mom, Mary, gets married to a dapper young fellow named Joseph, but before they can consummate their marriage (I guess Joseph was nervous) she is discovered pregnant. Even though he's just a carpenter, Joseph can put two and two together and resolves to divorce Mary privately -- because he's such a nice guy and doesn't want to make a public debacle out of everything. However, at night he is visited by an angel who tells him that Mary was actually impregnated by the HOLY SPIRIT and that "she will give birth to a son, and you are to give him the name Jesus, because he will save the people from their sins" (Matthew 1:21). Jesus, or Joshua, means "the Lord saves" or more simply "savior," which also means that the translated name of Jesus Christ is "Savior Anointed." Could you imagine if you knew a kid in school named Savior Anointed? He would get beaten up every day!

In chapter 2, Jesus is born in Bethlehem, which we bible scholars know is the native city of King David. According to Matthew's account, Mary and Joseph actually live there. Before the birth, three magi realized that the king of the Jews would soon be born, and went to Jerusalem to tell the client king, Herod the Great. Herod tells them to track down this newborn child and report back, so the magi follow a star and come across Joseph, Mary, and Jesus. They present Jesus with gifts and depart, deciding not to return to Herod.

If I may take a moment, I would like to address an important question: what the hell is a magi?! We hear the word so often in association with Jesus that we just tend to accept it, but not I! As an ardent reader of Wikipedia, I am here to bring you the truth about things. "Magi" comes from the Greek word "magos" and usually indicated a follower of Zoroastrianism. Interesting! Here, however, it probably just means "magician."

Anyway, after the magi leave, Joseph has a dream telling him that he must flee to Egypt with his family to protect them from the bloodthirsty king. They go abroad, and soon after Herod decrees that all the male babies in Bethlehem and the surrounding area must be killed. This is known today as the Massacre of Innocents, and although there is no documentation that it actually happened, it should be noted that Herod the Great was notoriously barbaric; the Roman Emperor Augustine once quipped that he'd rather be Herod's pig than his son, since the pig was more likely to live. 

Jesus is sounding a bit like Moses, though, huh? Narrowly avoiding death as an infant? Being called to Egypt? I would assume that Matthew intentionally drew these parallels, seeking to legitimize the young messiah.

Joseph and his family return to Israel after Herod's death, but they are intimidated by the new "ethnarch," Archelaus, and resettle in Nazareth rather than Bethlehem.

Chapter 3 opens with a description of the ministry of John the Baptist, who Matthew's author describes as the precursor to Jesus. John the Baptist gives off some crazy homeless person vibes, in my opinion; he lives on the east bank of the Jordan River, dresses in camel skin, eats locusts, and rambles about the kingdom of heaven. The Pharisees and Sadducees don't like him, but he doesn't like them either. In spite of being pretty freaky overall, he accumulates enough of a following that people start to ask if he is the messiah. To this he replies, "I baptize you with water for repentance. But after me comes one who is more powerful than I, whose sandals I am not worthy to carry. He will baptize you with fire" (Matthew 3:11).

Can you say BADASS?!!!

Anyway, Jesus comes to John to get baptized. At first John is hesitant, suggesting that Jesus should be the one baptizing him, but eventually he caves and performs the rite. Once completed, Jesus "[sees] the Spirit of God descending like a dove and alighting on him. And a voice from heaven [says], 'This is my Son, whom I love; with him I am well pleased'" (Matthew 3:16-17).

It should be noted that the first time I read this I went, "AWWW!!" audibly. Jesus and God are just TOO CUTE!

After his baptism, Jesus goes into the wilderness, where he fasts for forty days -- this is reminiscent of Moses's fast on Mount Sinai, as well as Elijah's fasts. While in the desert, he is tempted by the devil, who tries to convince him to prove that he is the messiah and to worship him in exchange for power. Like a boss, Jesus just quotes scripture at him. 

Once he emerges from the wilderness, Jesus moves to Capernaum and begins his ministry, telling people to "Repent, for the kingdom of heaven has come near" (Matthew 4:17). He recruits two sets of brothers to be his first apostles: Simon and Andrew, and James and John. You might know Simon better as Peter, which is actually a nickname meaning "rock." I'm not sure why no one else gets a cool nickname. 

One of my favorite moments from this chapter is when Jesus recruits Andrew and Peter, who are fishermen: "Come with me," Jesus says, "and I will make you fishers of men" (Matthew 4:19). HAH! Is that funny or what? Nice pun, Jesus!

Chapters 5 through 7 contain the Sermon on the Mount, which -- as far as I'm concerned -- is the only part of the bible that is even remotely moral. The sermon opens with the Beatitudes, which you've got to read, because they're so nice.

"Blessed are the poor in spirit,
for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

Blessed are they who mourn,
for they shall be comforted.

Blessed are the meek,
for they shall inherit the earth.

Blessed are they who hunger and thirst for righteousness,
for they shall be satisfied.

Blessed are the merciful,
for they shall obtain mercy.

Blessed are the pure of heart,
for they shall see God.

Blessed are the peacemakers,
for they shall be called children of God.

Blessed are they who are persecuted for the sake of righteousness,
for theirs is the kingdom of heaven."

- Matthew 5:3-10

Seriously, I don't care how cold-hearted and cynical you are. I'm a total jerk and I still think this is completely lovely.

Jesus continues to prove himself to be... a really nice guy! He tells the people to be generally forgiving and humble before others, to "turn the other cheek" and love their enemies, all that bleeding-heart liberal mumbo-jumbo. One rather funny line comes from his discussion of lust: "I say to you that if everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart... If your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away. For it is better that you lose one of your members than that your whole body go to hell" (Matthew 5:27-30). In other words, DON'T JERK OFF!

In chapter 6, Jesus cautions people not to be show-offs about how righteous they are; a truly righteous person will not care if others know they are doing the right thing. He outlines how to pray, providing us with the well-known "Lord's Prayer," and then emphasizes the importance of "spiritual" treasure over physical treasure, quoting Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows to make his point: "Where your treasure is," Jesus says, "there your heart will be also" (Matthew 6:21).

This line, which Dumbledore chose as the epigraph on his mother and sister's grave, helps support my newly coined conspiracy theory that Jesus is actually Dumbledore. Think about it.

To elaborate on the theory, here is a line from chapter 7: "Ask, and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives, and the one who seeks finds, and to the one who knocks it will be opened" (Matthew 7:7). Doesn't that sound an awful lot like the old line, "Help will always be there at Hogwarts for those who ask" ?!!!

I'm right. I know I'm right.

Judging by the little bar on the side of the screen, I've already written a lot, and I still have five chapters to get through. So I will abridge my discussion of the Sermon on the Mount, although I'd recommend reading it yourself if you haven't already. To conclude this section of the reading, I'll share my favorite quote from the sermon: "Do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble" (Matthew 6:34).

Can you get more freakin' wise?!

In chapter 8, Jesus starts performing all sorts of wacky healings and exorcisms. He also begins to recruit more people to his ministry, revealing to us that he has a nutcase side of him as well: "Follow me," he urges one grieving young man, "And let the dead bury their own dead" (Matthew 8:22). Dude, his dad just died! Have some tact!

Jesus continues performing miracles, mostly healings and exorcisms, but encounters some criticism in chapter 9. Upon telling a paralytic that his sins have been forgiven, the Pharisees confront him and accuse him of committing blasphemy. Jesus retorts, "Which is easier, to say 'Your sins are forgiven,' or to say 'Rise and walk'?" (Matthew 9:5). Jesus subsequently repairs the paralytic's legs, suggesting that he can do both, although the Pharisees later attribute his miracles to the demon Beelzebub rather than God. 

The Pharisees are also quick to criticize Jesus for the company he keeps, an assortment of "tax collectors and sinners" (Matthew 9:12). But Jesus scoffs at them, saying that the righteous don't need help like the sinners do. He also shrugs off their accusations that he is not properly pious for refusing to fast, saying, "Can the wedding guests mourn as long as the bridegroom is with them? The days will come when the bridegroom is taken away from them, and then they will fast" (Matthew 9:15).

God, it's eerie! He knows that he's going to be killed for all this craziness.

In chapter 10 we are introduced to the twelve main apostles, who are sent out to perform healings and exorcisms on Jesus's behalf. Jesus warns that they will be persecuted, but tells them not to "fear those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul. Rather fear him who can destroy both soul and body" (Matthew 10:28). In other words, DON'T MAKE HORCRUXES, VOLDEMORT!

At this point he gets a little crazy and shows us his nutcase side again: "Do not think that I have come to bring peace to the earth. I have not come to bring peace, but a sword...Whoever loves father or mother more than me is not worthy of me" (Matthew 10:34-38). Someone sure thinks highly of himself!

Chapter 11 is all about Jesus's connection to John the Baptist, who has heard rumors about Jesus and inquires if they are true. Jesus basically tells him that "YOU'D BETTA' BELIEVE IT!" and John the Baptist is further established as his predecessor.

In the final chapter of today's reading, Jesus keeps on with his crazy preaching, telling people that "something greater than the temple is here" (Matthew 12:6) and that it's okay to perform healings on the Sabbath. If you don't know a lot about Second Temple Judaism, let me tell you: these are REALLY controversial things to say. The Pharisees get even more pissed off than they already were and start to conspire against Jesus, but it's not a huge deal since he basically already knows that he's doomed to die: "Just as Jonah was three days and three nights in the belly of the great fish, so will the Son of Man be three days and three nights in the heart of the earth" (Matthew 12:40). Oh wow.

At the end of the chapter Jesus's family -- his mother and brothers -- come out to watch him speak, but he totally blows them off, saying that his true family are his followers. Harsh. This is the first of many instances that suggest Jesus has a somewhat strained relationship with his family.

That's it for today! Sorry for going on so long; as I've mentioned, I'm a big Jesus fan. Tomorrow's reading will take us deeper into Matthew.