Day 66, Daniel 8-12, Hosea 1-11

You know, I think I complain too much about doing this blog. Why should I complain? It's a total party! I should relish every moment that I do it! But I've gotta admit -- when I looked and saw I had a whopping SIXTEEN CHAPTERS to read and report on today, I got a little bummed out. Luckily, Hosea turns out to be pretty redundant, so it shouldn't be too taxing to write about.

Before we jump ahead, let's wrap up the Book of Daniel, which remains pretty cool. In chapter 8, the narration switches to a first-person perspective, and ol' Danny Boy (I can call him that, right?) talks more about his assorted visions. In the next one, he sees a ram and a male goat with a really big horn, which breaks and is replaced with four smaller horns. Talk about a freaky goat! Anyway, the angel Gabriel appears and informs Daniel that the ram's horns represent Media and Persia, while the goat's giant horn represents Greece. When the horn breaks, it foreshadows the destruction of Greece and the rise of four new, less powerful nations. Like the earlier vision, Gabriel goes onto explain that a period of chaos and destruction will ensue, but at the end the evil leader will "take his stand against the Prince of princes...[and] be destroyed, but not by human power" (Daniel 8:25). Good to know!

In chapter 9, Daniel prays to God to forgive the Israelites for their sins. Once again Gabriel appears and informs the young prophet that "from the time the word goes out to restore and rebuild Jerusalem until the Anointed One, the rule, comes, there will be seven 'sevens,' and sixty-two 'sevens'" (Daniel 9:25). I think I speak for all of us when I say, "Huh?" I looked this up on Wikipedia but I remain a little perplexed. I think the big thing to take away here is that Gabriel promises a messiah is coming -- remember, "messiah" means "anointed one" ! It's not what you think it is!

Daniel is visited by another angel in chapter 10, who has something important to tell him. The rest of the book concerns this final vision, which is elaborate and lengthy. Read it yourself if you want details! The very simplified, dumbed-down version I'm going to provide is this: lots of nations will rise and fall, battle against each other, and generally wreak havoc. This idea of chaos preceding the approach of the messiah was an idea somewhat pioneered by the writers of Daniel; it is most likely the newest book in the Old Testament, written around 200 BCE, and the emphasis on these so-called "birth pangs of the messiah" reflects the period. Anyway, after the brutal and violent wars "Michael, the great prince who protects your people, will arise" (Daniel 12:1). Michael, as you may know, is an angel, and he is apparently going to bring about a new and awesome era of peace. He's also going to raise the dead: "Multitudes who sleep in the dust of the earth will awake: some to everlasting life, others to shame and contempt" (Daniel 12:2). Wow! This sounds cool! So should I pack my suitcase yet?

No?

Well, okay.

Daniel is also curious about when he should start packing, and asks when this is all going down. The angel replies, "From the time that the daily sacrifice is abolished and the abomination that causes desolation is set up, there will be 1,290 days" (Daniel 12:11). That's sure specific! So the moment that the daily sacrifice is abolished, I'm going to start crossing days off my calendar.

The angel then bids Daniel farewell, telling him that he "will rest, and then at the end of the days [he] will rise to receive [his] inheritance" (Daniel 12:13).  How nice.

But we don't have time to dwell on this. We have eleven more chapters to cover, goddamnit! Onto Hosea!

Hosea is the first book of the so-called "minor prophets," named such because their books are shorter than those of Ezekiel, Jeremiah, and Isaiah. They are arranged in chronological order, making Hosea the oldest book, presumably written in the eighth century BCE. According to my study bible, Hosea "can pose a problem for the reader in that it does not present a systematic argument." Well, great. Apparently it's a somewhat random anthology that leaves an "impression of bewildering inconsistency." On with the show, then.

The first three chapters of Hosea concern the prophet's marriage, which represents God's relationship with Israel. God instructs him to "marry a promiscuous woman and have children with her, for like an adulterous wife this land is guilty of unfaithfulness to the Lord" (Hosea 1:2). Cool metaphor! Hosea obeys the command and marries a woman named Gomer, who produces three children: Jezreel, Lo-Ruhamah, and Lo-Ammi. God picks all the names because they have specific meanings. Jezreel is a place where God committed a massacre, Lo-Ruhamah means "not loved," and Lo-Ammi means "not my people." Geez, God, we get that you're pissed, but do you have to take it out on the kids?!

There's an old adage that says, "Don't marry a hooker." Actually, that's not an old adage. I just made it up. But it may as well be an adage, because here in Hosea it proves to be true. Gomer cheats on her husband, but God is ever-forgiving and tells Hosea to follow in his footsteps and "love her as the Lord loves the Israelites, though they turn to other gods and love the sacred raisin cakes" (Hosea 3:1). Whoa, there are raisin cakes involved? I could never understand why the Israelites insisted on continually betraying God, but that was before I knew about the raisin cakes. Now I get it.

So Hosea purchases his wife for "fifteen shekels of silver and about a homer and a lethek of barley" (Hosea 3:2) and tells her to behave herself again. Presumably, she does.

From this point on, the book may as well be taken out of Isaiah or Jeremiah. I'm not just saying this because I'm lazy and don't want to talk about it, even though I am lazy and don't want to talk about it. What I'm saying is that if there was anything new or important here I'd tell you about it, because I LOVE YOU, humble readership! Believe me! But these are just prophecies and oracles against Israel, and we already know all about that. Although I underlined the raunchiest and weirdest parts -- references to prostitution, breasts, eating children, etc -- even that is nothing new. We've seen it all already. So sit tight, stay cool, and I'll see you tomorrow when we take on the rest of Hosea, Joel, Amos, and Obidiah. How exciting!