Today we wrap up Ezekiel and start Daniel, which is pretty cool so far. And now that the last long book is under our belt, I feel like we're really coming to the end of the Old Testament. It's crazy!
The last two chapters of Ezekiel mostly concern the division of the redeemed kingdom; God explains the boundaries, which are similar to those in David's reign, and divvies up the land amongst the tribes. There are still tribes?! Who knew. I guess it was dumb of me to assume that they ceased to exist just because they were almost never mentioned.
There is also a strange little parable at the beginning of chapter 47, where the mysterious angel man leads Ezekiel out of the temple and into a river that is flowing from it. Ezekiel progresses into its depths -- first ankle deep, then knee deep, then waist deep, until finally it is "a river that no one could cross" (Ezekiel 47:5). Yeah, unless they KNOW HOW TO SWIM! Geez Louise. Anyway, the river is a MAGICAL river that's going to turn salt water to fresh water and foster lots of life and so on and so forth, representing Israel's redemption.
Now it's time for Daniel! The obligatory background information: the Book of Daniel takes place during the Babylonian exile and detail the exploits of a young Jew at a foreign court. Daniel, like Joseph, is able to interpret dreams, and the tome divides into two parts: in the first half he interprets the dreams of the Babylonian kings, and in the second part he himself has visions that must be interpreted.
Although the book is set during the Babylonian exile, the content reflects a later time in history, namely the period from around 200 BCE to the Maccabean revolts. By the way, the spellcheck on my internet browser wanted to change "Maccabean" to "Caribbean." Wouldn't that be fun?
Anyway, chapter 1 starts off with the exile, and young Daniel is shipped off with a few of his friends to serve in the Babylonian court. The king, Nebuchadnezzar, changes his name to Belteshazzar, presumably because he CAN. If I was king, I'd probably change everyone's name for fun too. Daniel/Belteshazzar and his pals are given food from the royal kitchen, but Daniel refuses to eat and bids the guard to conduct an experiment: "Please," he requests, "test your servants for ten days: Give us nothing but vegetables to eat and water to drink. Then compare our appearance with that of the young men who eat the royal food, and treat your servants in accordance with what you see" (Daniel 1:12-13). At the end of the period, Daniel and his pals are hale and hearty as can be, and as a reward... their good food and wine gets taken away, and is replaced with vegetables? What? This sucks!
The moral, clearly, is to EAT YOUR FREAKIN' VEGETABLES.
In chapter 2 the king has a weird dream and summons his astrologers, telling them that "If you do not tell me what my dream was and interpret it, I will have you cut into pieces and your houses turned into piles of rubble" (Daniel 2:5). In case you missed it, he ISN'T GOING TO TELL THEM WHAT THE DREAM WAS. They have to figure it out themselves! Obviously this is impossible, and the astrologers tell him so, but all it does is upset the king and he orders for all the wise men in the kingdom to be killed. And after the vegetable incident, this includes Daniel. He prays to God for help in interpreting the dream so that he might save his friends and himself.
The next day Daniel goes to Nebuchadnezzar and describes the dream. In it, Nebuchadnezzar saw a big statue with a gold head, bronze torso, and iron and clay feet. A human hand takes the statue and smashes it up. Daniel explains that these parts of the statue all represent different nations; the gold is Babylon, and the iron and bronze are inferior nations that will follow. The hand represents a "kingdom that will never be destroyed... [and] will crush all those kingdoms and bring them to an end" (Daniel 2:44). Neat! Daniel is rewarded for his mad interpreting skills, and rises to a position of authority in the court.
In chapter 3, the king issues a decree that everyone must bow down to a giant statue of him. Since the Jews can't comply with this law, he gets really pissed off and confronts Daniel's three friends, Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego, threatening to throw them in the furnace. Like the brave little morons they are, they reply that he can do whatever he wants because their God will protect them... probably. Nebuchadnezzar becomes so incensed that he turns up the furnace to seven times its original temperature -- it is in fact so hot that the soldiers who throw the three men into it are killed by the heat -- but when the king looks into the fire, he sees that not only are Daniel's friends still alive, they are joined by a fourth figure. He calls to them and they emerge from the furnace, unharmed. Impressed, Nebuchadnezzar grants them positions of power as well.
Pretty cool stuff!
In chapter 4, Nebuchadnezzar has another dream, this time about a big tree. A messenger then comes and tells him to cut down the tree and leave the stump. Daniel tells the king that he IS the tree, and in order to avoid being chopped down, so to speak, he must repent his sins. Needless to say, Nebuchadnezzar is grateful for the warning.
Rather abruptly, Nebuchadnezzar is succeeded by his son, Belshazzar, who throws a dinner party in chapter 5. At the party, a hand appears from thin air and starts writing on the wall, so Belshazzar summons Daniel to interpret it. The three words -- "Mene, Tekel, Parsin" (Daniel 5:25) -- mean that the new king's reign is coming to an end, and his kingdom will be divided among the Medes and Persians. Well, that sucks.
In spite of the approaching doom, Belshazzar rewards Daniel with cool purple robes and some bling, and is murdered later that night. He is replaced by a chap named Darius the Mede, who quickly takes a liking to Daniel and makes him an administrator. However, the other administrators are jealous and conspire to screw over their Jewish colleague by convincing Darius to issue a decree saying that for thirty days no one can worship any gods but he; if they disobey, they will be thrown into the lion's den. Once again the Jews can't comply, and like the assholes they are, the other administrators rat out Daniel to the king. Darius is quite distressed but his administrators remind him that "according to the law of the Medes and Persians no decree or edict that the king issues can be changed" (Daniel 6:15). Well, what if the king issued an edict saying that the king is allowed to retract edicts? WHAT THEN? And what if you went back in time and killed your own grandfather before your father was born, making it so that you were never born, making it so that you couldn't go back in time and kill your grandfather... Huh? Well?
Remorsefully, Darius obeys his own law and throws Daniel to the lions, hoping that his god will protect him. The next day, he is delighted to find Daniel alive, chilling with his lion pals like they're Calvin and Hobbes. The narc administrators are then thrown to the lions, along with their wives and children (!!), and "before they [reach] the floor of the den, the lions [overpower] them and [crush] all their bones" (Daniel 6:24).
In chapter 7, the last chapter of today's reading, Daniel has a crazy vision about four beasts coming out of the ocean. One of them looks like a lion and receives a human's heart, one looks like a bear and is told to eat flesh, one looks like a leopard and is told that it will rule, and the last is just freaky looking, with ten horns. The weird fourth beast, which crushes and devours the earth with its teeth, represents "a fourth kingdom that will appear on earth...different from all the other kingdoms" (Daniel 7:23). The king of the fourth kingdom will oppress the people, but eventually "his power will be taken away...[and] the sovereignty, power, and greatness of all the kingdoms under heaven will be handed over to the holy people of the Most High. His kingdom will be an everlasting kingdom, and all rulers will worship and obey him" (Daniel 7:26).
Cool! It sounds freakin' awesome! So when is this all going down? Soon? Tomorrow? Should I pack my suitcase?
Yep, aaaaaaaaaany day now.
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