Day 56, Jeremiah 4-14

First of all, today is my FREAKING BIRTHDAY so you should comment on my blog as a present to me!

Despite all the celebration, I am of course still making time for my beloved bible blog. Unfortunately, I could not have asked for a more boring selection of readings. Goddamn, these prophets suck! Blah blah blah the people of Israel are sinning blah blah blah God's gonna punish them blah blah blah YEAH WE FREAKING GET IT!!! AND IT'S MY BIRTHDAY! OKAY?!

I just wanted something raunchy and violent... Is that so much to ask?

Anyway, the gist of today's reading is that Jeremiah goes to the temple and talks about the approaching calamity and how the people will be at fault because of their naughty behavior. One sort-of cool moment comes in chapter 8 when he envisions the Israelites in captivity and asks, "Why has no new skin grown over their wound?" (Jeremiah 8:22). From this, you really see what a harsh wake-up call it's going to be when the Jews get exiled; they're so used to God being unconditionally forgiving (well, sort of) that when the "skin" doesn't grow back over the "wound" they're going to be pretty shocked.

Jeremiah goes on to explain how shitty society is when no one cares about God, describing the future Jerusalem as "a heap of ruins, a haunt of wolves" (Jeremiah 9:11). Chapter 10 talks about how idolatry is bad... Is it really? Has that been mentioned before? (HAHA JUST KIDDING THAT WAS A JOKE BECAUSE IT'S MENTIONED ALL THE FREAKING TIME.)

In chapter 11 there is a minor plot development, because some guys scheme to kill Jeremiah and he figures it out: "I had been like a pet lamb led trustingly to the slaughter," he remarks (Jeremiah 11:19).

Chapter 13 contains a pretty great metaphor. God tells Jeremiah to buy a loincloth and hide it. Before he hides it, he puts it on, so I'm not sure what he wears WHILE he's hiding it, but you can use your imagination for that. Some time elapses and God tells Jeremiah to go find the loincloth; when he does, he sees that it is "ruined and no good" (Jeremiah 13:7). God explains that "just as a loincloth is bound close to a man's body, so I bound all Israel and all Judah to myself...so that they should become my people to be a source of renown and praise and glory to me; but they did not listen" (Jeremiah 13:11). Wow, that's... creative? I like it!

In chapter 14 there's a drought, and some false prophets show up but God lets Jeremiah know that they are "offering false visions, worthless augury, and their own day dreams" (Jeremiah 14:14). So it'd be kind of like if I prophesied that Buster Posey is going to marry me or something... Which he is...

Anyway, that's today's reading! And if you've got time, stick around, because we've got something completely different. Yesterday my best friend wrote this on my facebook wall:

Did snape kill dumbledore the same way abraham killed isaac? Is voldemort like god? But like snape only pretended to have faith in voldemort?

This being a particularly fascinating question, I promised her I would mull it over and answer on my bible blog. My short answer is, no... Not even a little bit. But for the sake of FUN, let's explore this a little deeper!

First of all, let's determine who everyone would be in this scenario: Voldemort is God, Snape is Abraham, and Dumbledore is Isaac. These roles don't really work, but let's just see if the puzzle fits together.

God told Abraham to kill Isaac as a test of his loyalty. Likewise, Voldemort might have been testing Snape's loyalty when he instructed him to kill Dumbledore. So that part works.

Beyond that, the whole thing kind of falls apart -- because the point of Abraham agreeing to kill Isaac was that he trusted blindly in God. Snape obviously doesn't trust blindly in Voldemort because he tricks him. Also, Voldemort actually wanted Dumbledore dead, whereas God spared Isaac after he saw that Abraham was willing to kill him. Thematically there is no crossover. So nice try, Addie! But not nice enough.

I gave this special attention because one of my favorite games is that of casting people -- celebrities, literary characters, athletes, etc -- into biblical roles. I particularly like to do it with the Giants. All I've definitively decided is that Buster Posey is King David. It's tougher to figure out then you'd think!

Anyway, keep it real. Have a good day, because it's MY FREAKING BIRTHDAY!!