Whoa, sorry for the late freaking entry! I've been on a bit of a bender lately... Last night, for instance, I stayed out until eleven, binge drank soy milk, and baked cookies. The crazy college life... You know how it is. Anyway, I actually completely forgot to read the bible and I've been so lazy all day that it took awhile to get the entry done.
Luke ends interestingly, differing from the other synoptic gospels in a handful of ways. One example is Judas's betrayal; while Mark and Matthew suggest that Judas betrayed Jesus because he wanted money, Luke's author writes that "Satan entered into Judas" (Luke 22:3). Demonic possession! It's just like Harry Potter! Maybe Judas's sandals were a Horcrux or something.
The betrayal scene itself plays out a little differently too, with Jesus asking his pal, "Would you betray the Son of Man with a kiss?" (Luke 22:48). That line has a pretty different vibe from the whole "do what you gotta do" thing in Matthew! Makes you think, huh?
Another Lucan addition comes in the trial; after Pilate "find[s] no guilt in [Jesus]" (Luke 23:4) he sends him to Herod Antipas, the tetrarch of Galilee who happens to be in Jerusalem on vay-cay. Herod questions and mocks him, but Jesus refuses to respond, so Herod dresses him in fancy clothes and sends him back to Pilate. After this, weirdly enough, Herod and Pilate become BFFS FOR LIFE: "And Herod and Pilate became friends with each toher that very day, for before this they had been at enmity with each other" (Luke 23:12). As they say, nothing will bring two people together like hatred for a third person!
As they lead Jesus to the cross, he has a pretty cool line: "Daughters of Jerusalem, do not weep for me, but weep for yourselves and your children" (Luke 23:27). He then alludes to all his "apocalypse is coming" bullshit, but as a stand-alone I really like the line. You can imagine he's telling them to cry for themselves because of their general brutality and inhumanity. PRETTY DEEP SHIT!!!!
In Matthew and Mark, Jesus's last words were "My God, why have you forsaken me?" but here he is a lot more cheerful, saying, "Father, into your hands I commit my spirit!" (Luke 23:46). That's nice. I like the exclamation point, it adds some zest.
Luke's author finally clears the air about Joseph the disciple, too. Although he was on the Sanhedrin, it is noted that he was "a good and righteous man, who had not consented to their decision and action; and he was looking for the kingdom of God" (Luke 23:50). Aren't we all, buddy?
Chapter 24 describes Mary Magdalene's encounter with the angels at Jesus's tomb; this time she is accompanied by not only the other Mary, but a woman named Joanna as well. After they hear the good news and relate it to Jesus's other followers, we get a brief story about a man named Cleopas, who is walking with his friend and encounters Zombie Jesus. For some reason he doesn't recognize his old teacher, but the men are generally friendly to Jesus and invite him to dine with them. When they give him bread, they suddenly realize who he is, and he vanishes. Spooky!
The book ends with Jesus being reunited with the apostles, to whom he shows the holes in his hands as proof! Then he asks for food, since I would imagine being crucified would make me hungry, and they give him some bread. Zombie Jesus can apparently still eat. Then he tells them to spread the word of his resurrection and all that, and the tale is over!
The final gospel, John, is not one of the "synoptics" and stands in pretty marked contrast to Matthew, Mark, and Luke; it is generally considered to be more spiritual in nature. Although one might assume it was written by the apostle John, the author is actually unknown. The reason it is so frequently ascribed to John is because John is not mentioned within it, which doesn't make a whole lot of sense to me, but how much really does anyway? John's Gospel probably originated in Asia Minor around the end of the first century.
Like Luke, John starts off with a fancy pants prologue, where he states that, "The law was given through Moses; grace and truth came through Jesus Christ" (John 1:17). Pretty neat way of putting it! If you glean all the best stuff out of Jesus's ministry, I think that's a good way to describe it. After the introduction, John jumps right into John the Baptist's ministry. Unlike in the other gospels, John the Baptist is not likened to Elijah; he describes himself as "the voice of one crying out in the wilderness, 'Make straight the way of the Lord,' as the prophet Isaiah said" (John 1:23).
John the Baptist recognizes Jesus immediately upon seeing him, pointing out to his disciples, "Behold, the Lamb of God, who takes away the sin of the world!" (John 1:29). He coerces Andrew and Peter to follow Jesus, and soon after they enlist two pals named Nathanael and Philip. Nathanael is at first hesitant, asking, "Can anything good come out of Nazareth?" (John 1:46). I guess Nazareth must be the Fresno of the middle east or something.
In chapter 2, Jesus goes to a wedding with his mom, who he is a total bitch to. When she mentions to him that the hosts have run out of wine, he rudely asks, "Woman, what does this have to do with me?" (John 2:4). I don't know, Jesus! Maybe she was just trying to make conversation? Despite acting like a jerk, he subsequently endears himself to the wedding guests by turning water into wine so the party can go on! One thing that is made clear about Jesus is that he likes to par-tay.
After the wedding, Jesus goes to Jerusalem and has what I like to refer to as his "Axl Rose moment" in the temple, where he breaks everything and yells at everyone. It is certainly interesting that John places this incident so early in Jesus's ministry, since, as my religious studies professor puts it, going into the temple and throwing a fit is a really good way to ensure that you're dead within a week. When the Jews ask him what the HECK HE THINKS HE'S DOING?!, Jesus tells them to destroy the temple so he can rebuild it in three days. They tell him to stop being so wacky, but John's author notes that in retrospect, the apostles realized that "he was speaking about the temple of his body" (John 2:21). Eerie!
In chapter 3, Jesus makes a little speech about how his followers have to be "born again." I guess that's where they get the term "born again Christian," huh? Jesus's followers are pretty incredulous about this, asking, "How can a man be born when he is old? Can he enter a second time into his mother's womb and be born?" (John 3:4), to which Jesus replies that the rebirth is more of a spiritual kind of thing.
This chapter also contains a small section that contradicts Jesus's claim in the synoptics that he comes to bring division/a sword instead of peace. Here, he declares that "God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but in order that the world might be saved through him" (John 3:17). Isn't that nice!
After these fun little chats, Jesus goes to Samaria. While his disciples are off buying food, Jesus hangs out at a well and meets a woman, who he demands give him water. She's all like, "Bitch, why you up in my grill? Don't you know that Samaritans aren't friends with Jews?" but Jesus snaps his fingers in a z-formation and is like, "Bitch please if you knew who I was you'd give me some goddamn water." He then explains that, "Everyone who drinks of this water will be thirsty again, but whoever drinks of the water that I will give him will never be thirsty again" (John 4:13-14). She thinks this sounds pretty cool, so Jesus tells her to call her husband. She tells him that she doesn't have one, but Jesus already knew this; in fact, he correctly tells her that she has had FIVE husbands, all of whom are presumably dead. Impressed by his magical knowledge, she becomes convinced that he is the messiah. At this point, the apostles come back -- and "marvel that [Jesus is] talking with a woman" (John 4:27), because apparently Jesus doesn't get a lot of action -- and the whole gang accompanies the Samaritan into town, where she tells everyone that he is the messiah.
After this little adventure, Jesus and company go back to Galilee, where they cause quite a stir by healing on the Sabbath and being generally offensive. Most outrageous to the temple officials is the fact that Jesus "[calls] God his own Father, making himself equal with God" (John 5:18).
Chapter 6 contains two of our favorite miracles: Jesus multiplying the bread, and Jesus walking on water. Jesus also makes a very weird speech about how he is the "bread of life": "Unless you eat the flesh of the Son of Man and drink his blood, you have no life in you. Whoever feeds on my flesh and drinks my blood has eternal life, and I will raise him up on the last day" (John 6:53-54). Whoa, okay. Jesus is a zombie AND a vampire. This book has everything!
Chapter 6 ends with Jesus's prediction of Judas's betrayal, calling him "a devil" (John 6:70).
John is pretty cool! It's a welcome break from the synoptic Gospels, which were getting kind of old. More of this tomorrow, when I will try to be more prompt!
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