It sort of drags on and on, doesn't it? Some days I don't have the stamina for this project! But I gleaned some interesting tidbits out of these chapters, so stick around.
A good chunk of today's reading consists of prophecies against foreign nations, which weren't even particularly interesting the first time we heard them, and they've been in almost every book since then! In Ezekiel, they are pretty drawn out; first we have a chapter prophesying against Tyre, for instance, then another chapter containing a lament for Tyre, then a third chapter prophesying against the king of Tyre specifically... It gets a little old. The first time I saw this happening -- with Tyre -- I was indignant and wrote in my notes, "Who the hell cares about Tyre?!!" but Egypt gets similar attention. Sidon and Edom, on the other hand, have briefer oracles about them. Where is Sidon, anyway? I don't remember ever reading about it before!
Anyway, the first two chapters of the reading are -- as I said -- about Tyre, and chapter 28 is directed at the king: "You think you are as wise as a god," God tells him. "Are you wiser than Daniel?" (Ezekiel 28:2-3). Whoa! Daniel? What the hell are you doing mentioning Daniel? WE HAVEN'T READ THAT BOOK YET! I NEED A SPOILER ALERT, GODDAMNIT! THIS IS LIKE WHEN SOMEONE TOLD ME THAT HEDWIG DIES BEFORE I'D READ THE SEVENTH HARRY POTTER BOOK!
Anyway, in chapter 29 the focus shifts to Egypt, which God plans to make into "a lowly kingdom" that will serve as a "reminder of [the Israelites'] sin in turning to her for help" (Ezekiel 29:14-16). That is so bitchy! It's not Egypt's fault that Israel asked it for help, why should Egypt get punished?
I know we've already talked about this and I made a joke about eyeliner, but if the bible can repeat itself over and over again, SO CAN I.
Chapter 30 is the lament over Egypt. God talks about all the upcoming doom, saying that he will "destroy the idols and put an end to the images in Memphis" (Ezekiel 30:13). Whoa, really? Even Graceland? That's harsh! What'd Elvis ever do to you, God?
The chapter ends with God breaking the Pharaoh's arm, which might be a metaphor for Pharaoh losing his power -- since someone with a broken arm can't hold a sword -- but it also might just be literal. God does shit like that, you know.
Chapter 31 contains a fun little metaphor about Egypt as a cedar tree that grows too tall and proud, so it gets cut down by foreigners. Goddamn illegal immigrants takin' our jobs and cutting down our metaphorical trees! I've had enough!
Next we have a DIRGE over Egypt, because apparently the lament is not enough. What's the difference between a lament and a dirge? Aren't they synonyms?
Why do we care so much about Egypt all of a sudden, anyway? I'm so confused!
Chapter 33 starts off with a discussion about how people can redeem themselves in God's eyes through acting righteous and repenting. This is actually an important development, since it implies a degree of free will; people are not chained to their earlier decisions, and a "bad" person can become good just as easily as a "good" person can be led astray.
After this speech, a man comes and informs the exiles that Jerusalem has fallen, an event that Ezekiel had predicted the night before because he's such a killer prophet.
I got really excited over chapter 34 because it turns out I've already read it! It was assigned early in the year for my Historical Jesus class, when we were learning about the idea of kingship in Judaism. God describes himself as a "shepherd" over the Israelites, proclaiming that he will "look after [his] sheep...[and] rescue them from all the places where they were scattered on a day of clouds and darkness" (Ezekiel 34:12). He scorns human leadership, suggesting that it is always corrupt, whereas his own leadership is ideal. The gist of this, as far as I can tell, is that God is done messing around with stupid kings. Having read Kings and Chronicles, I can't say I blame him! Besides, we Americans know that kings are almost always JERKS who put taxes on tea and stuff. Who needs 'em?!!
Chapter 35 is a boring prophecy against Edom, and then in chapter 36 God sends Ezekiel to address a MOUNTAIN. Can't you just imagine this poor doofus standing in front of a mountain, reciting prophecies to it? What a dork! But in spite of how weird this assignment is, Ezekiel completes it diligently, telling the mountain that "you... will produce branches and fruit for my people Israel, for they will soon come home" (Ezekiel 36:8). Basically, God is determined to redeem Israel even though, in his own words, "their conduct was like a woman's monthly uncleanness in my sight" (Ezekiel 36:17).
You gotta hand it to that God guy. He can be a jerk sometimes, but he sure has a knack with words.
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