We ended yesterday with the people going off to celebrate the Feast of Booths, or Sukkot. After the rockin' party they all put on sackcloth and fast, and join together to recite a lengthy prayer to atone for their sins. It should be noted that this is not Yom Kippur, but simply a random and unnamed day of repentance.
The prayer, which fills two whole pages of my giant study bible, gives us a not-so-succinct history of EVERYTHING we've read so far. Awesome. It's like the writers of the bible knew that no one was ever going to want to read the whole thing, so they stick in recaps everywhere they can.
In chapter 10, the returned exiles reseal their covenant with God, and in chapter 11 Judea is repopulated. The people are strategically placed throughout the region, with the leaders and one-tenth of the population being selected to live in Jerusalem, and the other people moving to neighboring towns.
In chapter 12, the newly constructed walls are dedicated. There sure is a lot of pomp and circumstance in the ancient Near East. At some point after the dedication, Nehemiah goes back to Persia and doesn't return until twelve years later. When he comes back he discovers that everyone has been screwing up in his absence: a foreigner is living inside the temple, people are working on the sabbath, and priests have married foreign wives. Jesus Christ you guys! It's been less than fifteen years since you made the covenant! This makes me feel less bad about never keeping my New Years resolutions.
Nehemiah is understandably displeased, and when he encounters the wrongdoers he "beat[s] some of them and [tears] out their hair" (Nehemiah 13:25). Isn't that illegal? Assault and battery or something? Then he purifies everything and all is well again. The tome ends with a request: "God, remember me favorably!" (Nehemiah 13:30).
Now it's time for the really fun stuff. The Book of Esther, which was presumably written during the Persian Period (538-333 BCE), tells the story of how a girl named Esther saves the Jewish people from a mass extermination planned by the king's chief minister, Haman. It is one of the most secular books of the bible -- for instance, God is not mentioned -- and as I've already mentioned, it sets up the context for Purim. Yesssssssss.
The story begins with the Persian king, Ahasuerus, throwing a party. His wife, Queen Vashti, has a parallel party for women -- since apparently parties can't be co-ed -- and after Ahasuerus gets sufficiently drunk he sends for the queen. One of the courtiers who delivers this message, by the way, is named Carcas! That's unfortunate.
Anyway, for some reason Vashti refuses to come, which enrages the king. In order to make a statement to the people about the subservience of women, he fires Vashti from her role as wife/queen for disobeying his command and sets off to find a new bride.
His attendants gather together all the hottest young virgins in the land, among whom is Esther, a Jewish orphan who lives with her uncle Mordecai. The king thinks she's hot stuff, gives her cosmetics and food (what every girl wants), and makes her his queen. Around this time, Mordecai overhears some conspirators planning to assassinate the king, and lets Esther know. She tells her new husband and the would-be killers are hung. Mordecai, however, is not rewarded.
In chapter 3, Haman is promoted and becomes the king's chief officer. Although this is not mentioned in the text, it should be noted that Haman supposedly wore a triangle hat!
The hat apparently looked like the above image, except without jam in the middle and not delicious.
Anyway, Haman demands that everyone bow to him when he passes, but Mordecai refuses to do so. In a rare instance of overreaction -- I mean, this kind of thing never happens in the bible -- Haman decides that he will punish Mordecai by killing ALL THE JEWS. The king, who does not actually know the race of his hot wife, is bribed into going along with this plan.
In chapter 4 Mordecai realizes the consequences of his actions, and tears up all his clothes. Esther sends him some more, but he is so distraught he won't even put them on. He tells Esther she must try to intervene and stop the plan: "If you remain silent at such a time as this," he says, "relief and deliverance for the Jews will appear from another quarter; but you and your father's family will perish" (Esther 4:14). Esther agrees with him and devises a ploy to save her people.
The plot is actually a little bizarre, since I don't see the point of all the steps. Esther requests that the king throw two banquets for herself and Haman. When Haman is leaving the first banquet he sees Mordecai and becomes so irate that he and his wife construct a gallows on the roof of his house, plotting to have Mordecai hung the next day.
After the banquet, the king has some difficulty falling asleep -- probably too much sangria at the party -- and has one of his attendants read to him from the "chronicle of memorable events" (Esther 6:1). In the chronicle he discovers the story of how Mordecai saved him from the assassination plot and was never rewarded. He resolves to somehow honor the man who saved him.
The next day, Haman enters the king's court to request that Mordecai be executed. Before he can put forth his proposal, however, Ahasuerus asks him, "What should be done for the man whom the king wishes to honor?" (Esther 6:6). Haman, who has an inflated ego, assumes that the king wants to honor him and immediately answers that, "For the man whom the king wishes to honor, let there be brought a royal robe which the king himself has worn, and a horse on which the king rides, with a royal diadem on its head. Let the robe and the horse be handed over to one of the king's noble officers, and let him invest the man whom the king wishes to honor and lead him mounted on the horse through the city square, proclaiming as he goes: 'This is what is done for the man whom the king wishes to honor'" (Esther 6:7-9). Oh boy.
Some historians claim that humor and irony are Hellenistic innovations that did not truly factor into Jewish texts until the Hasmonean Dynasty and beyond. The Book of Esther is a pretty strong argument to the contrary! The king follows Haman's instructions to honor Mordecai, and Haman himself is the "noble officer" who has to lead the horse. That's FUNNY!
At the second banquet, Esther reveals her race to her husband and begs him to save the Jews from death. Interestingly, she adds that, "If it had been a matter of selling us, men and women alike, into slavery, I should have kept silence" (Esther 7:4). What, slavery is okay? What a bitch! But anyway, Ahasuerus freaks out and asks who is conspiring to kill all the Jews, even though he's ALREADY HAD A CONVERSATION WITH HAMAN ABOUT IT. She tells him, and as punishment Haman is hung from the very gallows that he constructed on the roof of his house.
What a story! Tomorrow we tie up the loose ends in the Book of Esther and begin the Book of Job, which I suspect is going to be awesome. Until then, sayonara.
Do you suppose Max might be Mordecai reincarnated?? He seems to have a thing for tearing up his clothes too!!!
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