Solomon's portrayal up to this point has been mostly favorable, but chapter 11 provides us with a negative counterpart. Although the new king is incredibly wise and reasonably effective as a ruler, he does seem to have a rampant sexual hunger and a taste for foreign wives, even from "nations with whom the Lord had forbidden the Israelites to intermarry" (1 Kings 11:2). He has SEVEN HUNDRED wives and THREE HUNDRED concubines who conspire to "turn his heart to follow other gods" (1 Kings 11:3). Personally, I'd think that with one thousand sexual partners you wouldn't have much time to undergo a religious conversion, but Solomon isn't like the rest of us. When God gets wind of this he is super pissed and tells Solomon that his kingdom will be reduced to one tribe (instead of twelve) because of his infidelity. The only reason God preserves the kingdom at all is because of his covenant with David.
Meanwhile, God sends a prophet named Ahijah to alert a lad named Jeroboam that he will become king of the other ten tribes. I know there is supposed to be twelve, but somehow Jeroboam gets ten and Solomon gets one... Not sure where the last one goes! Anyway, Jeroboam goes to Egypt to bide his time and Solomon dies, his son Rehoboam succeeding him as king.
Rehoboam, we immediately see, is pretty goddamn stupid. Early in his kingship the people petition him for less work, and although his advisors tell him to comply, he follows the advice of his friends and tells the people, "My little finger is thicker than my father's loins. My father laid a heavy yoke on you, but I shall make it heavier. My father whipped you, but I shall flay you" (1 Kings 12:10-11). Okay, asshole. Wow. I bet everyone really wants you to be king now. This opens the doors for Jeroboam's rebellion, which is successful, but as soon as his kingship is established he starts building shrines, which we know from experience is probably not a good move!
Chapter 13 concerns a prophet who enters Jeroboam's kingdom to predict the eventual coming of Josiah, a Davidic king who will reclaim the Israelite territory. Jeroboam gets pretty annoyed at the prophet and yells for his guards to seize him, but while making a gesture in the prophet's direction, God paralyzes his hand.
The prophet heads home, but on his way encounters an old man, who asks him to join him for a meal. The prophet declines, as he has been forbidden to eat or drink on his journey, but the man lies and says that he too is a prophet and has been instructed by God to invite his fellow prophet to a meal. Isn't it GREAT how they don't have names? IT MAKES IT SO EASY TO WRITE ABOUT THEM. Anyway, after eating the meal the prophet is attacked and killed by a lion, proving his legitimacy. The man responsible for his death is evidently pretty guilty because he takes care of burying the body and requests that when he dies, he be buried alongside the prophet. Okay.
In spite of the warning from the prophet, Jeroboam continues building shrines and generally breaking all the rules, so God punishes him by making his son sick. Jeroboam sends his wife in disguise to consult with Ahijah, a prophet in Shiloh, who confirms that Jeroboam's infidelity will eventually bring the downfall of his kingdom, and that the moment the wife steps across the border to her territory, her son will die. The prophet adds, "All of Israel will mourn for him and bury him; he alone of all Jeroboam's family will have a proper burial, because in him alone could the Lord the God of Israel find anything good" (1 Kings 14:13). That's harsh!
The prediction comes true and it is the last story we hear from Jeroboam's reign, as he is succeeded by his son, Nadab.
Meanwhile, back in the kingdom of Judah, things aren't going much better. The shrines are still in place, and are frequented by male prostitutes and other abominable folks. At the end of chapter 14, Rehoboam is succeeded by his son, Abijam.
I really don't feel like going into detail with chapters 15 and 16; basically they describe, very briefly, the successive reigns in Judah and Israel for quite a few generations. The two Hebrewite nations are constantly at odds with each other, and most of the kings are complete fuck-ups; one exception is Asa, from Judah. Rather than try to describe all these reigns, I'll provide you with this handy family tree from Wikipedia so you can see it for yourself!
By the end of today's reading, we arrive at the reigns of Jehoshaphat in Judah, and Ahab in Israel. Ahab -- like the guy from Moby Dick! -- is a real jackass who "more than any of his predecessors... [does] what is wrong in the eyes of the Lord" (1 Kings 16:30). Another important note is that chapter 16 is the first time that the northern kingdom is referred to as Samaria. A lot of people don't realize that during most of biblical history, Israel was split into two sections: the Davidic Judah and the northern territory of Samaria. The word "Jew" describes someone from the southern territory, while "Samaritan" refers to someone from the northern territory. If you are familiar with the parable from Luke's Gospel about the "good Samaritan" you will know that these two factions continued to exist throughout Antiquity and were rather at odds with each other. Samaritans are an interesting group of people, because although they are definitely not Jews, they are also not gentiles. They read from the Torah, but not the rest of the canonical bible, and actually continue to exist today. There are about seven hundred of them left. How crazy!
Anyway, back to our regularly scheduled programming. Chapter 17 introduces us to Elijah, who is a prophet and -- if I remember correctly from Hebrew school -- a straight up bad ass. In chapter 17, he seeks to punish Ahab for his naughty behavior by causing a drought. During this period he takes refuge with a widow and her sons, and endears himself to her by magically increasing her food and resurrecting her son from the dead... Hey, doesn't this sound like something someone more famous will do later? After three years of famine and drought, Elijah decides to put an end to the madness, and sends the king's pious "comptroller of the household" (1 Kings 18:3), Obadiah, to report his return. Obidiah is hesitant because the king has been searching for the elusive Elijah for months, and if he should disappear after Obidiah announces his arrival, he will be put to death. However, Elijah persists and all goes according to plan; he gathers the prophets at the top of Mount Carmel, where he one again proves the superiority of the Hebrew God.
Apparently Ahab's territory is so goddamn corrupt that four hundred and fifty prophets are representatives of the Canaanite god, Baal, but Elijah is the only prophet representing the Hebrew god. He lays out two cow and instructs his rival prophets to invoke their God to set the offering on fire. They "[dance] wildly by the altar...[and gash] themselves with swords and spears until the blood [flows]" (1 Kings 18:26-28) but their efforts are fruitless. In response, Elijah easily invokes his God and the offering is set aflame. Then he takes all the badly behaved prophets into a valley and kills them!
At this point the drought story resumes, and rain begins to fall. As the storm begins, Ahab begins a fifteen mile chariot drive to Jezreel, and Elijah "[tucks] up his robe and [runs] before Ahab all the way" (1 Kings 18:46). Such a boss! I like to run too, but I hope Elijah has a case for his iPod because it's probably going to start raining pretty hard and those things are fucked if they get wet.
That wraps things up for today! Tomorrow we finish the first book of Kings, hooray! I hope you're not getting bored, because I'M SURE NOT, and I'm the one doing all the work!
You also probably don't run in robes! I think that would be more difficult.
ReplyDelete