Day 9, Leviticus 4-13

Today we delve deeper into Leviticus, which is a pretty annoying  book. There is very little narrative structure compared to Exodus and Genesis, and the writers have an obnoxious habit of taking one chapter to explain rules in excruciating detail, then follow with another chapter where the biblical figures actually enact these laws, in word-for-word imitation of the explanation. It is tedious to read, and I profess I skimmed a little bit through some of these sections, but I've picked out a few gems to share with you, my devoted readership.

Chapters 4 and 5 tell us about the weird rituals to be observed in the case of inadvertent sin; these include testifying against someone without giving information, touching an "unclean" person or thing, and forgetting about a spoken oath. Pretty much every ritual involves chopping up animals and smearing blood everywhere, because apparently if you are covered in sacrificial guts it makes you cleaner. There is also a hierarchy of food items to be sacrificed out of respect for people who can't afford to find an unblemished male ram every time they do something stupid; they are also allowed to sacrifice a female goat, pigeon, or even flatbread, which seems like it would be a lot easier. In chapter 6 and 7, God explains the role of the Aaronite priesthood, who are actually allowed to eat a good portion of the leftover sacrifices. Mooches! According to God, "only Aaron's descendants may eat [these offerings]" (Lev 6:18), meaning they get to enjoy flatbread pizza with barbecued ram while everyone else is stuck eating "manna." How unfair!

However, there are a lot of crazy rules regarding all these sacrifices, and God makes it known in chapter 7 that following them all is a big stinkin' deal. For most transgressions -- such as eating food that has come into contact with something "unclean" or eating fat -- the penalty is being "cut off from [one's] father's kin" (Lev 7:21). So in other words, don't fuck up!

In chapter 8, Moses dresses Aaron and his sons in their fancy priest garb, which is described once again because it's so freaking interesting. They put on turbans and smear blood all over themselves, which means they would probably have a really hard time getting through airport security. It's a good thing they don't have to fly from San Francisco to Montreal with a stopover in Toronto, because it would probably take them even longer than it took me.

In chapter 9, the priests make more sacrifices, and in chapter 10 we see the repercussions of messing up, because Aaron's two oldest sons, Nadab and Abihu, "[present]...before the Lord illicit fire, such as he had not commanded them to present" (Lev 10:1). God kills them as punishment. Really, I don't see why anyone would make one of these elaborate and grotesque sacrifices unless it was absolutely necessary anyway, especially now that we see the risk involved!

Chapter 11 lays down the guidelines for dietary laws, what we now call kashrut or keeping kosher. Jews are supposed to only eat animals that are hoofed and chew cud, which eliminates a lot of good stuff and also a lot of weird stuff, like ham and chameleons.

In chapter 12, cleanliness guidelines are laid out for pregnancy and childbirth, with a longer period of uncleanliness following the birth of a female child. According to the footnotes, this is possibly because the birth of a daughter was seen as less desirable than the birth of a son. Well, that's nothing new. After all, biblical men get to grow up to wear turbans and smear blood all over the place, while women tend to be nothing but baby-makers. Clearly, the former is more important.

Chapter 13 explains rather lengthily how one must  handle a skin disease. There are a lot of precautions to be taken in response to any physical blemish, and also in the case of mold growing on clothing. I won't go into too much detail about this because it's very specific and not particularly interesting -- if you really want to know you can read the section yourself -- but I will share my favorite passage: "Anyone who suffers from a virulent skin disease must wear torn clothes and have his hair all disheveled; he must conceal his upper lip and call out, 'Unclean, unclean.' So long as the sore persists, he is to be considered ritually unclean, and live alone, staying outside the camp" (Lev 13:45-46). Haha! How weird! It would certainly be tough to have a pimple in biblical times.

Anyway, sorry for the briefness of this entry. I suspect that Leviticus and possibly Numbers and Deuteronomy as well will not be the most interesting of books, but we will be done with them by next Wednesday and will return in due time to our charming narrative filled with scandal and sex and murder! Stay tuned.