Day 7, Exodus 22-31

 I regret to say that today's bible reading was boring -- insufferably boring -- and so this entry will be on the brief side. On one hand I was a little bummed that this reading segment was such a bust, but on the other hand it's probably better that we get these duds every so often because it saves me from having to write an awestruck 2000 word account every day! Isn't Saturday the Sabbath, too? I deserve some freaking rest.

Chapters 22 through 24 consist of laws given to Moses by God, known as the Covenant Code. Some of these laws are pretty reasonable and well thought out, and some -- as you can probably imagine -- are really goddamn weird. I will share some of my favorites below:

• "If a burglar is caught in the act and receives a fatal injury, it is not murder; but if he breaks in after sunrise and receives a fatal injury, then it is murder" (Exodus 22:4). In other words, it is ethically more acceptable to rob people during the day!
• "You must not allow a witch to live" (Exodus 22:18). Sorry Hermione.
• "Whoever has sexual intercourse with a beast must be put to death" (22:19). Good to know!
• "You must not wrong or oppress an alien; you were yourselves aliens in Egypt" (Exodus 22:21). This one is not funny, but I found it rather interesting. I wonder what kind of aliens God was referring to? Border-hoppin' Mexicans? Alf? Who knows!
• "You must not wrong a widow or a fatherless child. If you do, and they appeal to me, be sure that I shall listen; my anger will be roused and I shall kill you with the sword; your own wives will become widows and your children fatherless" (Exodus 22:22-24). Good for you, God! Stickin' up for the little guy!

In Chapter 23, God goes on to lay down more laws, along with the guidelines for celebrating Passover, Shavuot, and Sukkkot.  He also tells Moses about how he will obliterate all the non-Hebrewite groups living in the promised land: the Hivites, Canaanites, and Hittites. It made me wonder a bit why God picked one group of people to be his "chosen" group. Why can't God like everyone equally? What a jerk.

Chapter 24 fuses somewhat with the earlier chapters, again depicting Moses's ascent to the top of Mount Sinai. Of particular interest is the fact that he stays there for "forty days and forty nights" (Exodus 24:18). That's a long freaking time! Maybe it's just a metaphor; this makes sense to me, since the next few chapters contain the topics of discussion on the mountain, and they are so boring they felt like they took 40 days to read.

In chapters 25 to 27, God goes into laborious detail about the altar he wants built, repeating himself often to emphasize his points: "I want acacia wood, Moses, darling, and nothing else!" God also really likes the colors violet and gold. He spends these chapters agonizingly describing the exact number of cubits each part of the Tabernacle should be, and how they should be constructed, and so on and so forth. Chapter 28 is little better; at the beginning of this chapter he appoints Aaron and his sons as priests, and spends the duration describing exactly how they should dress. On top of being a stellar interior decorator, God is also quite the fashionista. His favorite colors are, as aforementioned, violet and gold, and he takes some interesting fashion risks by putting bells on the outfit, something that would make the judges of Project Runway contemplate him with intrigue.

In Chapter 29, God explains the weird rituals that Aaron and the priests are to partake in. God rambles on and on about this, so rather than summarize his weird plans in whole I'll share my favorite excerpt from the ritual to give you an idea of how everything is supposed to go down: "Take the second ram and, after Aaron and his sons have laid their hands on its head, slaughter it; take some of its blood and put it on the lobes of the right ears of Aaron and his sons, and on their right thumbs and the big toes of their right feet" (Exodus 29:19-20). After that, they presumably do the hokey pokey and turn themselves around. You get the gist.

In chapter 30, God actually RE-EXPLAINS how to build the Tabernacle, probably because he knows that when he's being so freaking boring it's really difficult to pay attention to him. He is evidently hoping that at least one of his four descriptions will sink in. Then in chapter 31 he tells Moses specifically who in the tribes he has picked to construct these things (some guys named Bezalel and Aholiab), and finally -- FINALLY -- Moses gets to leave the goddamn mountain.

Tomorrow takes us to the end of Exodus, and if memory serves me right, some scandal is going to ensue. So expect a more interesting entry tomorrow. Signing off!