Day 6, Exodus 10-21

Today's reading takes us out of Egypt and into the wilderness, where Moses receives the Ten Commandments from God at the top of Mount Sinai. In between these events a lot of crazy stuff happens, so get excited.

As you may remember, Pharaoh had been pretty back and forth about letting the Jews go free. After the thunderstorms he consents (again) to let them go, but he changes his mind and is subjected to two more plagues: locusts and perpetual darkness. God addresses Pharaoh directly, warning him that if he does not comply, the last of the plagues will be so freaking terrible that Pharaoh will "drive [the Jews] out forcibly as a man might dismiss a rejected bride" (Exodus 11:1), but he is still stubborn and -- what was our SAT word, everyone? -- OBDURATE! So in Chapter 12, God explains to Moses and Aaron the precautions they must take in preparation for the first Passover.

The name Passover, as you probably know, refers to how the Angel of Death passes over the  houses of the Israelites while inflicting the last of the plagues, death of the firstborn. There are a lot of weird ritualistic practices to be observed, like barbecuing sheep heads and eating "in urgent haste" (12:11), which the Jews comply with and are, as a result, spared from the massacre. In the morning, Pharaoh finally agrees to set the Hebrews free. Before leaving, the Israelites are instructed to ask their Egyptian neighbors to fork over all the gold and silver, and weirdly enough the Egyptians are described as being "well disposed towards [the Israelites]...[and] let the Israelites have whatever they asked; in this way the Egyptians were plundered" (Exodus 12:36). Gee. I would probably be "well disposed" towards people who inflicted ten horrific plagues on me too. Thus begins the Exodus from Egypt; to give you an idea of the magnitude of this event, the freed slaves are said to number six hundred thousand! Wow!

In Chapter 13, God outlines the logistics of the Passover feast, which is to be partaken in each year to commemorate God's deliverance of the Jews to the promised land. Most of this should be pretty familiar: Jews are to abstain from eating leavened bread for seven days, have a feast, retell the story of the Exodus to their children, yada yada yada. One interesting tradition that never quite made it to modern times, however, is the human sacrifice of the firstborn! I wish my parents had known that this is allowed in Jewish tradition when my brother was born. Just kidding! I love my brother! What a great kid! Ha ha ha!!!!!

Another weird thing is that Moses digs up Joseph's bones and takes them with him when he leaves Egypt. I think you can get arrested for that nowadays, so don't try this one at home.

When the Jews leave Egypt, a lot of crazy cool stuff happens, most of which you are probably familiar with: they are guided by a pillar of cloud during the day, which turns into a pillar of fire at night; they are pursued by the Egyptians (who have another change of heart) but are saved when Moses parts the Sea of Reeds and allows them to cross; the Egyptians perish when they attempt to follow the Jews, and the walls of the sea crash back down on them. After all these miracles you would think the Israelites would be pretty psyched --- and initially they are, spending chapter 15 singing songs of triumph and dancing -- but by chapter 16 they reveal themselves to be insufferable whiners, and spend the remainder of today's reading complaining to Moses about just about everything. "If only," they lament at one point, "we had died at the Lord's hand in Egypt, where we sat by the fleshpots and had plenty of bread! But you have brought us out into this wilderness to let this whole assembly starve to death" (Exodus 16:3). Hey Jews, would you guys like some cheese with that WHINE? Should I call a WAAAAAAHmbulence? The Israelites go on to bitch about every minor problem they encounter, and though God continually proves his presence by providing them with, for instance, bread raining down from the sky, they remain doubtful and irritable.

The Jews continue to wander aimlessly in the desert, and in chapter 17 they encounter a tribe of Amalekites who they must fight. Moses instructs some guy named Joshua (who is introduced as though we know who he is, even though he's never been mentioned) to lead the troops, while he stands on a hill and watches. Moses discovers that if he raises his staff in the air, the Israelites will succeed in battle, but if he lowers his staff they will lose. So he holds his arms up all day, and when they get tired he sits down and has two of his pals hold up his arms for him. That's what we call teamwork!

By chapter 19, Moses reaches Mount Sinai and ascends to the top to receive the ten commandments from God. The rest of the reading consists mainly of weird laws, some of which I will draw attention to. Commandment numbers six and seven tell us that we should not murder or commit adultery, but given the sexual deviance and violent nature of our biblical pals so far, I am inclined to question what exactly God means by this! Doesn't not murdering contradict his later instructions to stone people to death for breaking other laws? Does having sex with your multitude of slave concubines count as adultery?

There are also some interesting laws involving slaves; for instance, a male slave is to be kept for only six years, and set free on the seventh year with no charge or penalty. However, if the slave wishes to stay with the family, "then his master must bring him to God: he is to be brought to the door or the doorpost, and his master will pierce his ear with an awl; the man will then be his slave for life" (Exodus 21:6) An awl? That would hurt! Can't he just go to Claire's?

And here's another gem: "When a man strikes his slave or his slave-girl with a stick and the slave dies on the spot, he must be punished. But he is not to be punished if the slave survives for one day or two, because the slave is his property" (Exodus 21:20-21). In other words, make sure that when you beat someone to death, they survive for at least a day afterward.

How interesting that these countless laws regarding slave treatment immediately follow the Jewish release from slavery! I think this sufficiently proves the point I made at the end of yesterday's entry: slavery itself is not considered a moral issue here, but rather, the enslavement of God's chosen people.

Good to be a member of the Jew Crew!

I think that wraps things up. Tomorrow's reading takes us through chapter 31, and on Sunday we will finish up with Exodus entirely. Such speedy progress! Stay tuned.