Day 4, Genesis 37-47

Today's reading focuses almost exclusively on Joseph, Jacob's son by Rachel, with one incredibly weird interruption addressing his brother Judah. Joseph's story is a good one, and is pretty well known, so I am delighted to share my impressions of the original text.

Joseph is introduced to us immediately as a little bitch who "used to accompany his brothers...when they were in charge of the flock [and tell] tales about them to his father" (Gen 37:2). What an asshole. He is also blatantly preferred by Jacob, causing his siblings to dislike him -- and can anyone blame them? Joseph's reputation today is that of a "dreamer." He is in fact referred to by his  brothers as "the dreamer" which elicits modern sympathy, since the terminology causes us to imagine him as an idealist and romantic compared to his unimaginative kin, who are herdsmen and shepherds. In reality, the title "dreamer" just refers to the fact that he has asshole dreams about his family being subservient to him, and rather tactlessly describes them to everyone who will listen.

Another disappointing note: Joseph's famous robe, given to him by his father and described charmingly by Andrew Lloyd Webber as a "technicolor dreamcoat" in his musical, is not depicted in the bible as being colorful at all. Instead, it simply has "sleeves." Wow, sleeves. How romantic.

One day, at the instruction of his father, Joseph follows his brothers as they go about their work -- probably to spy on them like the little bitch he is. When they spot him, they seize the opportunity and throw him into a ditch. Most of them want to kill him, but Reuben -- who is uncharacteristically something of a Nice Guy -- talks them out of it, suggesting that they simply leave him there. His intention is to retrieve Joseph later, but the brothers ultimately decide to sell Joseph to some Midianites, who in turn sell him into slavery in Egypt. Reuben is rather distressed about this, but his sadness is nothing compared to that of Jacob, who presumes his son dead.

Chapter 38 completely departs from the storyline to convey a very, very weird story about Judah. Judah meets a nice Jewish girl and sires some heirs, one of whom is named Er. Er also marries a nice Jewish girl named Tamar, but he is "wicked" (Gen 38:7) so God kills him and Tamar is widowed before she bears any children. In ancient Judaism, it was traditional for a childless widow to have sex with her brother-in-law, ensuring the progeny of her deceased husband. But Er's brother Onan does not want to sire a child that doesn't count as his own, so "whenever he lay with his brother's wife, he spilled his seed on the ground so as not to raise up offspring for his brother" (Gen 38:9). FYI, this doesn't actually work. Don't try this one at home. God gets pretty pissed off about Onan's refusal to partake in this weird tradition, and kills him too.

Tamar seems pretty screwed at this point, but Judah consoles her by promising that when his younger son, Shelah, grows up, he will give her to him as a wife. Time goes by and he totally blows her off, so Tamar decides to take off her widow's clothes and sit in the road with a veil over her face. Judah mistakes her as a prostitute and gives her some goats in exchange for sex, and she finally becomes pregnant.

When Judah hears that Tamar has entered prostitution and become pregnant, he orders that she be burnt to death, but at this point she reveals the scam to him and he realizes that it's actually his own fault for not giving her to Shelah, or something. The tradition of the levirate, or "brother-in-law", marriage, allows the father-in-law to fulfill the terms if no brother is able, and thus both parties had acted within the law and all is forgiven.

Hooray for Judah! Hooray for Tamar!

And now back to our regularly scheduled programming.

When we left before the commercial break, Joseph had been sold into slavery in Egypt. Luckily for him, his master is a pretty nice guy and allows him to rise to a position of authority among the other slaves in the household. However, misfortune arrives to him again in the form of his master's wife, who is somewhat sexually devious and tries to coerce him into having sex with her. Perhaps because he possesses some kind of moral fiber, but more likely because he knows it'll get him into trouble, Joseph resists her, but one day her libido proves too strong and she grabs him by the loincloth, demanding sex. He flees from the house, leaving behind his loincloth, and the wife tells her husband that Joseph tried to rape her. Enraged, he throws his slave in prison.

As a child in Hebrew School, when I was being fed sugarcoated, sanitized versions of these horrifying stories, I remember one teacher described Joseph's life as a carousel, with his fortune rising and falling like a ceramic horse. Even in prison, Joseph is lucky again! Because of his natural charm and obedience, and the fact that God is on his side, Joseph becomes a favorite of the prison warden, and is given some authority over the other prisoners. While in jail, he encounters a baker and a "cupbearer" previously employed by the Pharaoh. Both of them are distressed by recent dreams, and in a pretty cool display of divination, Joseph correctly provides an interpretation. The cupbearer has a dream where he plucks grapes from three branches and gives them to the Pharaoh, which foreshadows his return to his post in three days. The baker has a dream where he is carrying three baskets of bread to the Pharaoh, but the contents of the topmost basket are eaten by birds. This foreshadows his execution in three days. When in doubt, it seems, one should always assume that things in dreams represent quantities of time!

The cupbearer promises Joseph that he will remember him and have him freed from prison, but he totally spaces it out for two years, until the Pharaoh himself starts having weird dreams about seven fat cows being eaten by seven starving cows. None of his interpreters can make sense of this, so the cupbearer recommends Joseph. Immediately, he tells the Pharaoh that the dream signifies seven years of plenty followed by seven years of famine, and the Pharaoh nearly pisses himself with excitement over the interpretation. He tells Joseph, "I hereby give you authority over the whole land of Egypt" (Gen 41:41) and gives him a ring so that he might imprint the Pharaoh's seal into official documents. Um... Okay, Pharaoh. Are you sure you don't want some proof that Joseph's prediction is actually ACCURATE before you make him your second in command? I guess not. After all, this is the bible. Who the hell wants proof?!

In fairness to the Pharaoh, his judgment of character is pretty good and Joseph turns out to be right. He reveals himself to be an astute government official, and during the years of plenty he mandates the storage of enough food to help Egypt through the famine. Meanwhile, back in Canaan, Jacob is getting hungry.

"Why do you stand there staring at each other?" he asks his sons. "I hear there is grain in Egypt. Go down there and buy some for us to keep us alive and save us from starving to death" (Gen 42:1-2). In other words, "Get off your asses and find me something to eat!" So all the brothers, aside from Benjamin, make the southward journey where they encounter their brother. Joseph recognizes them, but they do not know who he is, so his "little bitch" instincts from childhood return and he has a great time fucking with them.

Joseph accuses his brothers of being spies. They counter by proclaiming their innocence and relating their sad family story: "We are honest men, we are not spies. There were twelve of us, all brothers, sons of the same father. One has disappeared, and the youngest is with our father in Canaan" (Gen 42:32). Okay, says Joseph, so let's see the twelfth brother then. The men are apprehensive, knowing that Jacob is not keen to be parted from his youngest son, but consent and return to Canaan, leaving Simeon behind as a sort of deposit. Kind of like when you go to the grocery store and have to put a quarter in the slot in order to get a basket. Have you ever seen those? It's pretty crazy.

When Jacob hears about what happened, however, he is having none of it. He asks his sons, "Why have you treated me so badly by telling the man that you had another brother?" (Gen 43:6). In other words, "Why are you incapable of lying like all of us really significant biblical figures?" Like an asshole, he totally ditches Simeon and doesn't give the matter another thought until he gets hungry again and realizes the necessity of returning to Egypt. Jacob finally consents and allows Benjamin to accompany his brothers.

Joseph, who seems rather fraught with emotion over this odd family reunion, continues to act in a number of perplexing ways. Part of him wants to embrace his brothers, and he provides them with a hearty Egyptian meal, but his asshole genetics prevent him from revealing himself, and he continues to fuck with them. When the party leaves Egypt with their food, Joseph instructs one of his servants to hide an expensive silver goblet in Benjamin's pack. He then sends a group to track them down and accuse the brothers of stealing it. They are returned to Egypt, and Joseph demands that Benjamin  be put into slavery as punishment for the theft.

This is a little more interesting than the typical fucking around we see in the bible, as Joseph is actually trying to test his brothers; he wants to see if they have changed, or if they are still willing to sell one of their own into slavery. To his satisfaction, Judah comes forth and begs to stay in Egypt in lieu of Benjamin. At this point Joseph reveals himself, and a happy ending follows. Joseph instructs his brothers to bring the rest of their family to Egypt, where they will live under the protection of the Pharaoh. The whole gang -- who are rather tediously named off in chapter 46 -- join him, and Joseph continues to prove himself as a clever businessman, acquiring all the land in Egypt for the Pharaoh as payment for food from the starving populace. At the end of chapter 47, Jacob is able to die happily at the age of 147 years, having been reunited with his beloved son.

I have a few impressions to share about these chapters. First of all, I should say that I found them rather enjoyable. This is the most coherent story I've seen so far, occupying the better part of ten chapters, and because of its length, this saga is able to more effectively develop its characters. Furthermore, although Joseph is definitely still an asshole, he seemed to have some interesting motivations for his actions (like testing his brothers to see if they had matured and would be more loyal to Benjamin then they had been to him), and he is able to do some pretty cool things (like interpret dreams). His relationship to God -- who allows him to essentially practice divination -- is more complex then that of his forefathers.

It should also be noted that this story sets the stage for the enslavement of the Jews in Egypt, and on a related note, the Book of Exodus. Yes, only two chapters in Genesis remain! What progress we have made! See you tomorrow, when we will embark on a new book and new adventure.