Day 50, Proverbs 22-31, Ecclesiastes 1-5

Today we finish up Proverbs and start the Book of Ecclesiastes, which -- in spite of being hard to spell -- is freaking AWESOME. But as the Senators' manager in Damn Yankees tells us, you gotta keep that horse before the cart. No getting ahead of ourselves! We will get there in due time, but for now let's continue where we left off!

Proverbs keeps basically the same tone throughout its entirety, deviating only slightly at times. For Psalms and Proverbs I've been switching back and forth between my hard copy study bible, which contains the "revised English version" of the text, and an online copy of the New International translation. Both of these are considered good translations by scholars, but it kind of freaks me out how they differ. For instance, one of my favorite lines from today's reading -- "Folly is deep-rooted in the hearts of children; a good beating will drive it out of them" (Proverbs 22:15) -- is translated benignly as "Folly is bound up in the heart of a child, but the rod of discipline will drive it far away" in the New International version. The first translation has so much more gusto! Looking at two different English versions will really give you a sense of how much we amateur anglophone bible scholars miss out on by not understanding ancient Greek or Hebrew. So much can be lost in the translation.

Anyway, with that being said, here are my favorite proverbs from today.

- Proverbs 19:29-35: "Who has woe? Who has sorrow? Who has strife? Who has complaints? Who has needless bruises? Who has bloodshot eyes? Those who linger over wine, who go to sample bowls of mixed wine...In the end it bites like a snake and poisons like a viper. Your eyes will see strange sights, and your mind will imagine confusing things. You will be like one sleeping on the high seas, lying on top of the rigging. 'They hit me,' you will say, 'but I'm not hurt! They beat me, but I don't feel it! When will I wake up so I can find another drink?'" Sorry for kicking off with such a lengthy quote, but man is it great. I went to a Halloween party last night and I feel like this was directed specifically at me.

- Proverbs 25:16: "If you find honey, eat just enough -- too much of it, and you will vomit." Oh man, these are definitely targeted at me. Should have followed this advice before the Halloween party. Ughhhhh.

- Proverbs 27:5: "Better is open rebuke than hidden love." D'awwww. What about someone like Helga Pataki, who is the master of BOTH?

- Proverbs 27:6: "Wounds from a friend can be trusted, but an enemy multiplies kisses." What does that even mean!?

These next three I just liked:

- Proverbs 27:17: "As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another."

- Proverbs 27:19: "As water reflects the face, so one's life reflects the heart."

- Proverbs 17:20: "Death and Destruction are never satisfied, and neither are human eyes." That's intense! I dig it!

Chapter 30 continues on the path of INTENSITY.

- Proverbs 30:15-16: "There are three things that are never satisfied, four that never say, 'Enough!': the grave, the barren womb, land, which is never satisfied with water, and fire, which never says, 'Enough!'" That's kinda poetic! Is it just me? I thought it was nice.

- Proverbs 30:18-19: "There are three things that are too amazing for me, four that I do not understand: the way of an eagle in the sky, the way of a snake on a rock, the way of a ship on the high seas, and the way of a man with a young woman." Awww. That's sweet. Or maybe just creepy and voyeuristic. Stop watching other peoples' courtship rituals, dude.

Proverbs concludes with an epilogue on the value of a "good wife," explaining that "Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised" (Proverbs 31:30). Ladies, it doesn't matter how hot you are! You just have to fear God, and you'll get some. Don't worry.

Now, onto what may just be my favorite book of the bible thus far: Ecclesi-freakin'-astes. My study bible lets us know that this particular tome "stands alone in the Hebrew bible, both in theology and style." Written at some point during the third or fourth century BCE and sometimes incorrectly attributed to Solomon, the author (called the Speaker) contemplates the meaninglessness of life. I didn't know anyone was this existential back then! The Speaker puts Job to shame with his spiritual despair.

The book opens on an uplifting note, with the Speaker proclaiming, "Futility, utter futility...everything is futile" (Ecc 1:2). You've got my attention, pal. He goes onto lament that "Generations come and generations go, while the earth endures for ever" (Ecc 1:4), using the metaphor of all rivers running back to the sea to explain the pointlessness of life. In chapter two he continues to develop this thought, asking, "To what purpose have I been wise?... Alas, both wise and foolish are doomed to die!" (Ecc 2:15-16).

If I may be so self-indulgent, I'd like to share a stanza of a poem by Algernon Charles Swinburne called The Garden of Proserpine, which addresses similar themes. Actually, a lot of poems I like are thematically linked to Ecclesiastes. I'M SO EXCITED ABOUT THIS!

"From too much love of living,
From hope and fear set free,
We thank with brief thanksgiving
Whatever gods may be
That no life lives for ever ;
That dead men rise up never ;
That even the weariest river
Winds somewhere safe to sea."

The footnotes of my study bible note that Ecclesiastes clearly predates the time when notions of the afterlife came into Jewish consciousness. In chapter 3, the Speaker comments further on this, saying, "Who knows whether the spirit of a human being goes upward or whether the spirit of a beast goes downward to the earth?" (Ecc 3:21). 

Chapter 3 also contains a pretty famous section, which you might know from that song by That Band Your Parents Listened To When They Were Kids. You know. The one about turning, and seasons, and stuff. Oh, who cares. The section opens with "For everything its season, and for every activity under heaven its time" (Ecc 3:1) then goes on to list all the things there is time for: time to live and time to die, time to cry and time to laugh, etc. You know it! T.S. Eliot parodies its form in his poem The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock: "And indeed there will be time... There will be time to murder and create, / And time for all the works and days of hands / That lift and drop a question on your plate; / Time for you and time for me, / And time yet for a hundred indecisions / And for a hundred visions and revisions / Before the taking of a toast and tea."

GOD IT'S AWESOME!!!

The Speaker goes on to talk about a friend of his, who "toil[ed] endlessly but was never satisfied with his wealth" (Ecc 4:8). Come on guys, doesn't this stuff hit close to home? "For whom," the friend asks the Speaker, "am I toiling and denying myself the good things of life?" (Ecc 4:8). I dunno, man! I dunno! The Speaker finishes chapter 4 by talking about solidarity, and how companionship can make futile shitty pointless life a little bit better: "If two lie side by side they keep each other warm; but how can one keep warm by himself?" (Ecc 4:11). True that.

In chapter 5, the Speaker suggests that people should try and stay "under the radar" so to speak wherever God is concerned, because the deity is known to be something of a crazy asshole. Then he returns to the topic of the rich again, declaring that "No one who loves money can ever have enough, and no one who loves wealth enjoys any return from it" (Ecc 5:10). God he's so smart. The chapter ends with the Speaker urging people to enjoy life because it has no point and you might as well!!

Awesome. See you all tomorrow for the end of Ecclesiastes and the beginning of Isaiah!

Day 49, Proverbs 4-21

After Psalms I had pretty high hopes for Proverbs, and so far I'm a little disappointed. The first nine chapters were neat, but after that there are about twelve chapters listing "wise sayings." In some ways it felt like the secular version of Psalms (ie monotonous as hell) but every chapter had at least one nugget of wisdom that was pretty funny or weird, so it wasn't a complete loss. I'll summarize the first six chapters that I read today, then share my favorite sayings.

The narrative continues where it left off yesterday, with a father addressing his son on the subject of how to be wise. In chapter 4 he outlines the big points, urging his son to "keep [his] mouth from crooked speech" and "fix [his] gaze on what lies ahead" (Proverbs 4:24-25), among other things. In chapter 5 he cautions about PROSTITUTES, whose "lips...drip honey and [whose] tongue is smoother than oil" (Proverbs 5:3) but who will nonetheless bring harm. Chapter 6 follows with assorted warnings, most of which are also addressed in the extensive list of wise sayings so I'll refrain from detailing them at the moment.

In chapter 7 there is a pretty amusing section describing a man's interaction with a prostitute: "Come!" she says to him, "Let us drown ourselves in pleasure, let us abandon ourselves to a night of love; for my husband is not at home" (Proverbs 7:18). The author lets us know that however enticing this might be, the fool who goes with the prostitute is "like an ox on its way to be slaughtered" (Proverbs 7:22).

In chapters 8 and 9 Wisdom -- personified as a woman -- makes a speech discussing her virtues and warning that "all who hate me are in love with death" (Proverbs 8:36). Geez, that's heavy! Meanwhile, her foil, "Lady Stupidity," persists that "stolen water is sweet and bread eaten in secret tastes good" (Proverbs 9:17). Clearly she is doing her best David Bowie impression, although I think the line was actually, "Well the bitter comes out better on a stolen guitar, you're the blessed and we're the spiders from Mars." I wouldn't expect someone named Lady Stupidity to get it perfect, though.

At this point we move onto our SUPER FUN LIST OF WISE SAYINGS. Oh boy! I will share my favorites below, some of which are illogical, some of which are weird, and a few of which are actually, surprisingly, good advice!

- From chapter 11: "False scales are an abomination to the Lord, but accurate weights win his favor" (Proverbs 11:1). Tell this to my freaking doctor! Of course I weigh more right now, asshole, I'M WEARING PANTS! And it's right after lunch! GODDDDD.

- Proverbs 11:22: "Like a gold ring in a pig's snout is a beautiful woman without good sense." That is a pretty funny image! I guess this is an earlier version of the old classic, "I need you around like I need a hole in my head!"

- Proverbs 12:9: "Better to be nobody and yet have a servant than pretend to be somebody and have no food." I feel like I'm missing something... How are the two parts of this sentence connected? Why is being nobody with a servant the opposite of being somebody with food?

- Proverbs 13:7: "One person pretends to be rich, yet has nothing; another pretends to be poor, yet has great wealth." Another one where I feel like I'm missing the point. Is this a nugget of wisdom or just... a scenario? Why would a rich person pretend to be poor, and why should we consider it a good thing?

- Proverbs 13:24: "Whoever spares the rod hates their children, but the one who loves their children is careful to discipline them." Everyone knows this one, right? BEAT UP YOUR KIDS! YOU HAVE GOD'S PERMISSION!!! WAHOO!!!

- Proverbs 14:20: "The poor are shunned even by their neighbors, but the rich have many friends." How is this a proverb? How is this WISDOM? All you're telling me is that it sucks to be poor!

- Proverbs 16:16: "How much better to get wisdom than gold, to get insight rather than silver!" Yep. Keep telling yourself that, biblical writer.

- Proverbs 16:30: "Whoever winks with their eye is plotting perversity; whoever purses their lips is bent on evil." Fuck modern psychology! This is all you ever need to know about body language. Trust me.

- Proverbs 16:31: "Gray hair is a crown of splendor; it is attained in the way of righteousness." Well, who knew? You don't have gray hair because you're old and decrepit! It's because you're righteous!

- Proverbs 17:19: "Whoever loves a quarrel loves sin; whoever builds a high gate invites destruction." Uh oh. A lot of people I know are in trouble.

- Proverbs 17:26: "If imposing a fine on the innocent is not good, surely to flog honest officials is not right." I just love the logical deduction in this one. Good job, biblical writer! The puzzle is coming together, huh?

- Proverbs 20:1: "Wine is a mocker and beer a brawler; whoever is led astray by them is not wise." Um... Bad news for you, McGill student body.

- Proverbs 20:30: "Blows and wounds scrub away evil, and beatings purge the inmost being." Yeah! That's what I'm talking about! Violence! Sex! Actually, no sex. But violence! Yeah!

- Proverbs 21:9: "Better to live on a corner of the roof than share a house with a quarrelsome wife." Yeah, fuck bitches!

To conclude, I would like to share that this particular book of the bible makes frequent use of the word "sluggard" which I think is awesome.

Onward!

Day 48, Psalms 120-150, Proverbs 1-3

This last batch of psalms have been, for the most part, blissfully short. Not a lot of weirdness, just the standard crap about how great and merciful God is. Of greatest interest is Psalm 137, probably the most famous in the bible; it opens the with the line, "By the rivers of Babylon we sat down and wept / when we remembered Zion" (Psalm 137:1). You know it, right?! You know it, I know it, we all know it. How freaking great.

It's a pretty standard "lament" psalm, but I got a little excited over it just  because it crops up periodically in literature. For instance, in The Wasteland by T.S. Eliot there is a line that mirrors the first verse of the psalm: "By the waters of Leman I sat down and wept..." And William Faulkner got the title of his book, If I Forget Thee, Jerusalem from the following line: "If I forget thee, O Jerusalem, let my right hand forget her cunning" (Psalm 137:5).

Awesome!

Anyway, after that brief moment of light and clarity in the endless abyss of stupid psalms, I finally emerged from the wreckage and began to read Proverbs. FINALLY!

I'm not exactly sure how Proverbs is going to shake out, but from the introduction and first three chapters it seems very interesting. One of the more secular books of the bible, Proverbs borrows from non-Israelite wisdom traditions, particularly those of the Egyptians, to "represent the results of a search for a divinely sustained cosmic order in the lessons derived from human experience." The first  nine chapters, which are the youngest, tend to be slightly more religious in nature than the rest of the book.

Chapter 1 serves as something of an introduction, explaining the importance of understanding proverbs and stating that "the fear of the Lord is the foundation of knowledge" (Proverbs 1:7). Oh boy. The author goes on to warn against sinfulness, then describes wisdom, personified as a woman. Chapters 2 and 3 basically continue on this note, urging the student to "take [these] words to heart" (Proverbs 2:1) and obey human teachers and God.

I think tomorrow we will get into the juicy stuff, but today we'll just have to be happy that we finally finished Psalms. I'm going to go eat jam out of the jar. See you tomorrow!