Today we finish up the Torah and begin the Book of Joshua, which I'm delighted to say seems to contain STORYTIME rather than laws. Not that I can complain about all the law, since yesterday's reading was quite satisfactory.
The last few chapters of Deuteronomy reminded me a lot of the end of Genesis; just as Jacob blessed his twelve sons, Moses conducts a similar blessing for the twelve tribes descended from these sons. In chapter 34, Moses goes up to the top of Mount Nebo, a mountain in Moab, and looks out at the promised land before he dies. This is kind of sad! The narrative tells us to "remember the strong hand of Moses and the awesome deeds which he did in the sight of all of Israel" (Deut 34:12). Will do! Moses was indeed pretty awesome, well put, bible.
Meanwhile, back in the lowlands, Joshua has assumed his post as Moses's successor and prepares to enter Canaan. He addresses the people who swear their loyalty, saying, "As we obeyed Moses in all things, so shall we obey you" (Joshua 1:17). Oh man. Maybe you guys should try to obey Joshua a little better than you obeyed Moses? Just a suggestion.
In chapter 2, Joshua sends two spies to reconnaitre the land (SAT word alert, take note!). These two spies arrive at the house of a prostitute named Rahab, who allows them to spend the night. Rahab turns out to be a very noble prostitute indeed, because soon after their arrival the King of Jericho shows up with his troops and asks if she has seen any Israelites around. She lies to protect them, and the troops continue on their way. As thanks, the two spies promise Rahab that her family will be spared when they start killing everyone like the assholes they are.
In chapter 3 the Israelites traverse the Jordan, their crossing reminiscent of when they crossed the Red Sea in Exodus. Then in chapter 4, they set up twelve memorial stones to commemorate their entry into the promised land. There is some inconsistency about where these stones are placed; the account first puts them at a place called Gilgal, then later says they were also put in the middle of the Jordan River.
In chapter 5, God instructs Joshua to "fashion knives out of flint, and make Israel a circumcised people again" (Joshua 5:2). Oh no! This is going to hurt! According to the narrative, the Egyptian-born Israelites were circumcised, but neglected to perform the rite on their children born in the wilderness. Thus, the whole community had to undergo this ritual together, causing the encampment to be renamed Gibeath-haaraloth, hill of the foreskins. It seems like I must be joking here, BUT I'M NOT!
Chapter 5 also marks the end of manna eating! The Jews finally get to taste the produce of Canaan. Awesome.
In chapter 6, the Israelites begin their rather gruesome campaign of burning up all the local cities. Their first siege is the town of Jericho, which they conquer by marching around it every day for seven days; at the end of this period the walls collapse and the Israelite army can enter the city, where they kill everyone inside except Rahab, the noble prostitute. Joshua warns the tribes not to take any of the silver or gold for themselves, as these goods "belong to the Lord and must go into his treasury" (Joshua 6:19). I feel compelled to raise the question, why does God need money? Being all-powerful and without physical form, it's not like he's going to walk into a store and buy a Rolex or something.
In spite of Joshua's warnings, the Israelites remain their disobedient, mentally challenged selves, and immediately after the siege do something "perfidious." Man, isn't this vocab great? Perfidious, by the way, means "deceitful and untrustworthy," and the fellow guilty of perfidious behavior is a young Judahite named Achan, who decides to take some of the gold from the battle for himself. However, this sin has immediate repercussions; when the Israelites proceed to attack the next city on their list, a town called Ai, they are struck down by Amorite forces. Only thirty-six of them die, which doesn't seem like much since the population of Jews supposedly equals the number of stars in the sky, but Joshua freaks out and asks God, "What can I say, now that Israel has been routed by the enemy?" (Joshua 7:8). God lets Joshua in on the perfidious behavior that has been going on behind his back, and the community stones Achan to death. The curse is lifted, and the Israelites triumph once again over Ai!
This event is detailed in chapter 8, where the tribes construct a rather clever ruse to win the battle. They divide their army into two groups, the first of which hides while the second group stands at the city gates. When the Amorites attacks the second group, they pretend to flee, drawing the Amorites away from Ai and allowing the first group to go in and start burning everything up. At this point, the groups converge and are able to overtake the Amorite army.
Something of interest to me was that the Israelites do not actually intend to live in these cities, or derive any practical use from them. They just want to kill everyone and light stuff on fire! What assholes!
By chapter 9, news of these attacks have spread across the nation, and the populaces of the remaining nearby cities come up with a plan to save themselves. The people dress up as old beggars and approach the Israelite camp, claiming to have come from a distant land. They ask to settle in Canaan, and perhaps because of previous divine instruction to be nice to aliens, the Israelites consent and make an oath of peace.
When the Israelites find out the truth, it is already too late. They decide that the people will become slaves of the tribes, but will not be put to death. Well that's just swell!
That wraps things up for today. Tomorrow we can expect more bloody conquest, and I'm not sure what else. Whatever happens, I'm sure it'll be GREAT.
Until then!
Showing posts with label Deuteronomy. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Deuteronomy. Show all posts
Wednesday, September 28, 2011
Tuesday, September 27, 2011
Day 17, Deuteronomy 20-31
Today's reading was so golden that I'm not even sure how I'm going to get through it all without leaving out a few gems. Here I was, expecting pages upon pages of boring law about how to sacrifice goats, and instead I find some of the raunchiest material that the bible has had to offer so far! It's still law, sure, but law filled with sex, violence, and even the grand fusion of the two, sexual violence. Let's jump right in.
Chapter 20 provides instructions for how to conduct battle with both neighboring and distant cities. Certain men are exempt from the army: newlyweds, people who have recently planted vineyards (because wine is important), people who have just built a new house, and people who are afraid to fight. Before attacking a city the Israelites are supposed to make a peace offering, the terms of which are that "the town [will open] its gates to [the Israelites], then all the people who live there are to be put to forced labor and work" (Deut 20:11). Wow! What a swell peace offering! Of course, the alternative is not much better. If the city is distant, the army is to kill every man and take the women and livestock for themselves; if the city is nearby, the Israelites "must not leave a soul alive" (Deut 20:16). That's pretty brutal!
Chapters 21 through 25 comprise mostly civil and domestic laws in no particular logical arrangement. There's a lot of material here, so I will leave out a few of the more boring laws, drawing attention only to my favorites.
To begin, we have some stellar discourse on taking a prisoner of war as a wife: "When you go to battle against your enemies and the Lord your God delivers them into your hands and you take some of them captive, then if you see a comely woman among the prisoners and are attracted to her, you my take her as your wife" (Deut 21:11). Gotta love the phrasing of this... "Comely", what a great word! The law goes on to explain that this woman must stay in her prospective husband's house for a month, shave her head, pare her nails, and mourn her dead parents. After that the man is free to take her as a wife, but if he changes his mind (maybe he realized that she wasn't as cute bald as she was with hair) he must set her free. That's kooky!
Another law explains that if a man has two sons, the elder from his unloved wife and the younger from his loved wife, he must still respect the rights of the oldest and give him the greater share of the property. Someone should have told this to Jacob!
After this, we are advised on how to deal with unruly children: "When a man has a son who is rebellious and out of control, who does not obey his father and mother, or take heed when they punish him, then his father and mother are to lay hold of him and bring him out to the elders of the town gate, and say, 'This son of ours is rebellious and out of control; he will not obey us, he is a wastrel and a drunkard.' Then all the men of the town must stone him to death" (Deut 21:20-21). Man, do I ever love the cute little dialogues that Moses puts in his discourses. I was thinking, for a guy who described himself as a bad public speaker back in Exodus, he has really taken this role in stride. He is an inspiration to all of us with lisps.
That being said, what a brutal law this is! I guess the whole idea of loving the prodigal son in spite of his transgressions was an innovation of Jesus's time. Back in the early days, people were more into stoning the prodigal son to death.
Chapter 22 opens with a rather nice few lines about how if your neighbor loses his goat or cloak or Nintendo, you are supposed to return it. How pleasant! Then it goes on to denounce crossdressers, saying "no woman may wear an article of man's clothing, nor may a man put on a woman's dress" (Deut 22:5). Sorry Boy George. That's tough.
This chapter also contains some really random laws which, according to the footnotes, do not have a known origin. These include not sowing two kinds of seed between vine rows, plowing a field with a donkey and ox yoked together, and wearing clothes woven with two kinds of yarn. Well, okay. Whatever you say, God.
Next we get to some good raunchy stuff. If a woman gets married and her husband "turns against her and brings trumped-up charges against her, giving her a bad name and saying, 'I took this woman and slept with her and did not find proof of virginity in her,' then the girl's father and mother should take the proof of her virginity to the elders of the town at the town gate" (Deut 22:14-15). According to the footnotes, the "proof of virginity" is the bloodstained sheet. Ew! Goddamnit, this is so intrusive and inappropriate!
Incidentally, if proof of virginity can be found, the man must pay a fine and is forbidden to divorce his wife (great, because I'm sure she really wants to stay married to him at this point). If it cannot be found, the girl must be stoned to death!
On a related note, when a man sleeps with a married woman, both are to be put to death. More remarkably, when a woman is raped in the city, she and her assaulter are to be stoned to death. However, if a woman is raped in the countryside, only the attacker is to be stoned to death. The logic of this is that in the city, a woman can cry for help, whereas in the country help is less accessible. What perfect logic!
This section ends with a brief reminder not to have sex with your mom, however much your Freudian psyche wants it. Good to know.
Chapter 23 is mostly about congregation membership and hygiene. For instance, "no man whose testicles have been crushed or whose organ has been cut off may become a member of the assembly of the Lord" (Deut 23:1). Quite frankly, if my "organ" had been cut off I would have a lot bigger concerns than joining the assembly of the Lord.
This chapter also contains a rather lengthy description of how to properly poop in the woods, but neglects to mention the importance of not wiping with poison ivy!
Moses warns the people not to let Ammonites or Moabites into the Assembly of God, but he tells them that Edomites are okay -- even though the Edomites were total jerks to the Jews when they were wandering through the desert -- and also Egyptians! "Do not regard...an Egyptian [as an abomination], for you were aliens in his land" (23:7). What? I'm sorry, what? Egyptians are okay for the Jews to be pals with because they enslaved them? What?
There are also provisions for escaped slaves: "You must not surrender to his master a slave who has taken refuge with you" (Deut 23:15). Apparently this sort of custom was rare in Near Eastern cultures, and although the biblical story of Ham was used to justify slavery in Antebellum America -- even though it never actually mentions slaves -- no one ever took this law into account! Poor Jim. Poor Uncle Tom. Should have lived in biblical Palestine.
We are also informed that "no Israelite woman may become a temple prostitute, nor may an Israelite man" (Deut 23:17).
As you can see, this chapter is full of good stuff. Here's one final law that I enjoyed: "When you go into another man's vineyard, you may eat as many grapes as you wish to satisfy your hunger, but you many not put any into your basket" (Deut 23:24). This is totally the logic I use when I steal food from my landlady! Thanks for the support, Moses!
Chapter 24 lays out criteria for divorce and lending money, as well as the penalty for kidnapping (being stoned to death, comme d'habitude). There are quite a few provisions in here that protect the poor, such as the requirement that you leave behind leftover food in your field for the hungry to collect, which is nice. Chapter 25 returns to the realm of the scandalous, explaining the "levirate" marriage (the duty of the brother-in-law to procreate with his brother's widow if she is childless after her husband's death). Apparently, if the man does not comply with this tradition, the widow must "go up to him in the presence of the elders, pull his sandal off his foot, spit in his face, and declare: 'Thus we requite the man who will not build up his brother's family.' His family will be known in Israel as the house of the unsandalled man" (Deut 25:9-19).
Also of note: if a woman intervenes in a fight between two men and inadvertently "catches hold of the man by his genitals" (Deut 25:11), her hand must be cut off! Jesus Christ!
Chapter 26, the last chapter of laws, consists of boring stuff about offering fruit and "tithes" to God. Then in chapter 27, Moses begins his final discourse by dividing the tribes into groups of six and assigning the two groups to different mountains. The first six are to recite a list of blessings, while the second group recites a list of curses. As per usual, we start with the blessings and hear about all the nice things that will happen to the Israelites if they obey the covenant. Then, just when we're starting to feel like this God guy is pretty cool, we shift over to the curses and are reminded that he is, in fact, A SCARY MOTHERFUCKER!!!! We are told that the disobedient Israelites, reduced to dire straits, will "eat [their] own children, the flesh of [the] sons and daughters whom the Lord... has given [them]" (Deut 28:53). This is further emphasized with the description of a "delicately bred and sensitive woman...[who] will not share with her own husband or her son or her daughter the afterbirth which she expels, or any boy or girl that she may bear. During the siege she herself will eat them secretly in her extreme want" (Deut 28:56-57). Holy shit! This is disgusting! I'll definitely follow all your weird rules if this is the consequence, God!
In chapters 29 and 30 Moses wraps up this part of the sermon by urging the Israelites to be well-behaved, reminding them that they have a choice between the blessing and the curse and that if they choose the former "God will circumcise [their] hearts and the hearts of [their] descendants, so that [they] will love him with all [their] heart and soul and [they] will live" (Deut 30:6). Circumcise their hearts? What a metaphor! In chapter 31 Moses announces to the people that he will not be able to continue with them to the promised land; he is one hundred and twenty years old, and God has decided that his time has come to die. He takes aside Joshua, his successor, and tells him, in essence, to be tough, because the Israelites are a real piece of work. The Lennon and McCartney of biblical times, he and Joshua proceed to pen a little song that the Jews can sing, to remind them of their promise. He also provides Joshua with a written list of all the laws, for future reference.
Quite unfortunately, today's reading does not contain the lyrics of the song; we must wait until tomorrow for that. Tomorrow will also take us to the end of Deuteronomy, and likewise we can expect that Moses will die. This is a bummer! Although Moses was not the perfect leader, we have been following his activity for three whole books and I profess I will miss him a little. Compared to Genesis, where the most exposure we got to a character was ten chapters, we have really gotten to know him. I will be sad to see him go.
On the other hand, this should not obscure anyone's joy at the progress we are making! Tomorrow we will finish with the Torah, that is pretty darn cool.
Chapter 20 provides instructions for how to conduct battle with both neighboring and distant cities. Certain men are exempt from the army: newlyweds, people who have recently planted vineyards (because wine is important), people who have just built a new house, and people who are afraid to fight. Before attacking a city the Israelites are supposed to make a peace offering, the terms of which are that "the town [will open] its gates to [the Israelites], then all the people who live there are to be put to forced labor and work" (Deut 20:11). Wow! What a swell peace offering! Of course, the alternative is not much better. If the city is distant, the army is to kill every man and take the women and livestock for themselves; if the city is nearby, the Israelites "must not leave a soul alive" (Deut 20:16). That's pretty brutal!
Chapters 21 through 25 comprise mostly civil and domestic laws in no particular logical arrangement. There's a lot of material here, so I will leave out a few of the more boring laws, drawing attention only to my favorites.
To begin, we have some stellar discourse on taking a prisoner of war as a wife: "When you go to battle against your enemies and the Lord your God delivers them into your hands and you take some of them captive, then if you see a comely woman among the prisoners and are attracted to her, you my take her as your wife" (Deut 21:11). Gotta love the phrasing of this... "Comely", what a great word! The law goes on to explain that this woman must stay in her prospective husband's house for a month, shave her head, pare her nails, and mourn her dead parents. After that the man is free to take her as a wife, but if he changes his mind (maybe he realized that she wasn't as cute bald as she was with hair) he must set her free. That's kooky!
Another law explains that if a man has two sons, the elder from his unloved wife and the younger from his loved wife, he must still respect the rights of the oldest and give him the greater share of the property. Someone should have told this to Jacob!
After this, we are advised on how to deal with unruly children: "When a man has a son who is rebellious and out of control, who does not obey his father and mother, or take heed when they punish him, then his father and mother are to lay hold of him and bring him out to the elders of the town gate, and say, 'This son of ours is rebellious and out of control; he will not obey us, he is a wastrel and a drunkard.' Then all the men of the town must stone him to death" (Deut 21:20-21). Man, do I ever love the cute little dialogues that Moses puts in his discourses. I was thinking, for a guy who described himself as a bad public speaker back in Exodus, he has really taken this role in stride. He is an inspiration to all of us with lisps.
That being said, what a brutal law this is! I guess the whole idea of loving the prodigal son in spite of his transgressions was an innovation of Jesus's time. Back in the early days, people were more into stoning the prodigal son to death.
Chapter 22 opens with a rather nice few lines about how if your neighbor loses his goat or cloak or Nintendo, you are supposed to return it. How pleasant! Then it goes on to denounce crossdressers, saying "no woman may wear an article of man's clothing, nor may a man put on a woman's dress" (Deut 22:5). Sorry Boy George. That's tough.
This chapter also contains some really random laws which, according to the footnotes, do not have a known origin. These include not sowing two kinds of seed between vine rows, plowing a field with a donkey and ox yoked together, and wearing clothes woven with two kinds of yarn. Well, okay. Whatever you say, God.
Next we get to some good raunchy stuff. If a woman gets married and her husband "turns against her and brings trumped-up charges against her, giving her a bad name and saying, 'I took this woman and slept with her and did not find proof of virginity in her,' then the girl's father and mother should take the proof of her virginity to the elders of the town at the town gate" (Deut 22:14-15). According to the footnotes, the "proof of virginity" is the bloodstained sheet. Ew! Goddamnit, this is so intrusive and inappropriate!
Incidentally, if proof of virginity can be found, the man must pay a fine and is forbidden to divorce his wife (great, because I'm sure she really wants to stay married to him at this point). If it cannot be found, the girl must be stoned to death!
On a related note, when a man sleeps with a married woman, both are to be put to death. More remarkably, when a woman is raped in the city, she and her assaulter are to be stoned to death. However, if a woman is raped in the countryside, only the attacker is to be stoned to death. The logic of this is that in the city, a woman can cry for help, whereas in the country help is less accessible. What perfect logic!
This section ends with a brief reminder not to have sex with your mom, however much your Freudian psyche wants it. Good to know.
Chapter 23 is mostly about congregation membership and hygiene. For instance, "no man whose testicles have been crushed or whose organ has been cut off may become a member of the assembly of the Lord" (Deut 23:1). Quite frankly, if my "organ" had been cut off I would have a lot bigger concerns than joining the assembly of the Lord.
This chapter also contains a rather lengthy description of how to properly poop in the woods, but neglects to mention the importance of not wiping with poison ivy!
Moses warns the people not to let Ammonites or Moabites into the Assembly of God, but he tells them that Edomites are okay -- even though the Edomites were total jerks to the Jews when they were wandering through the desert -- and also Egyptians! "Do not regard...an Egyptian [as an abomination], for you were aliens in his land" (23:7). What? I'm sorry, what? Egyptians are okay for the Jews to be pals with because they enslaved them? What?
There are also provisions for escaped slaves: "You must not surrender to his master a slave who has taken refuge with you" (Deut 23:15). Apparently this sort of custom was rare in Near Eastern cultures, and although the biblical story of Ham was used to justify slavery in Antebellum America -- even though it never actually mentions slaves -- no one ever took this law into account! Poor Jim. Poor Uncle Tom. Should have lived in biblical Palestine.
We are also informed that "no Israelite woman may become a temple prostitute, nor may an Israelite man" (Deut 23:17).
As you can see, this chapter is full of good stuff. Here's one final law that I enjoyed: "When you go into another man's vineyard, you may eat as many grapes as you wish to satisfy your hunger, but you many not put any into your basket" (Deut 23:24). This is totally the logic I use when I steal food from my landlady! Thanks for the support, Moses!
Chapter 24 lays out criteria for divorce and lending money, as well as the penalty for kidnapping (being stoned to death, comme d'habitude). There are quite a few provisions in here that protect the poor, such as the requirement that you leave behind leftover food in your field for the hungry to collect, which is nice. Chapter 25 returns to the realm of the scandalous, explaining the "levirate" marriage (the duty of the brother-in-law to procreate with his brother's widow if she is childless after her husband's death). Apparently, if the man does not comply with this tradition, the widow must "go up to him in the presence of the elders, pull his sandal off his foot, spit in his face, and declare: 'Thus we requite the man who will not build up his brother's family.' His family will be known in Israel as the house of the unsandalled man" (Deut 25:9-19).
Also of note: if a woman intervenes in a fight between two men and inadvertently "catches hold of the man by his genitals" (Deut 25:11), her hand must be cut off! Jesus Christ!
Chapter 26, the last chapter of laws, consists of boring stuff about offering fruit and "tithes" to God. Then in chapter 27, Moses begins his final discourse by dividing the tribes into groups of six and assigning the two groups to different mountains. The first six are to recite a list of blessings, while the second group recites a list of curses. As per usual, we start with the blessings and hear about all the nice things that will happen to the Israelites if they obey the covenant. Then, just when we're starting to feel like this God guy is pretty cool, we shift over to the curses and are reminded that he is, in fact, A SCARY MOTHERFUCKER!!!! We are told that the disobedient Israelites, reduced to dire straits, will "eat [their] own children, the flesh of [the] sons and daughters whom the Lord... has given [them]" (Deut 28:53). This is further emphasized with the description of a "delicately bred and sensitive woman...[who] will not share with her own husband or her son or her daughter the afterbirth which she expels, or any boy or girl that she may bear. During the siege she herself will eat them secretly in her extreme want" (Deut 28:56-57). Holy shit! This is disgusting! I'll definitely follow all your weird rules if this is the consequence, God!
In chapters 29 and 30 Moses wraps up this part of the sermon by urging the Israelites to be well-behaved, reminding them that they have a choice between the blessing and the curse and that if they choose the former "God will circumcise [their] hearts and the hearts of [their] descendants, so that [they] will love him with all [their] heart and soul and [they] will live" (Deut 30:6). Circumcise their hearts? What a metaphor! In chapter 31 Moses announces to the people that he will not be able to continue with them to the promised land; he is one hundred and twenty years old, and God has decided that his time has come to die. He takes aside Joshua, his successor, and tells him, in essence, to be tough, because the Israelites are a real piece of work. The Lennon and McCartney of biblical times, he and Joshua proceed to pen a little song that the Jews can sing, to remind them of their promise. He also provides Joshua with a written list of all the laws, for future reference.
Quite unfortunately, today's reading does not contain the lyrics of the song; we must wait until tomorrow for that. Tomorrow will also take us to the end of Deuteronomy, and likewise we can expect that Moses will die. This is a bummer! Although Moses was not the perfect leader, we have been following his activity for three whole books and I profess I will miss him a little. Compared to Genesis, where the most exposure we got to a character was ten chapters, we have really gotten to know him. I will be sad to see him go.
On the other hand, this should not obscure anyone's joy at the progress we are making! Tomorrow we will finish with the Torah, that is pretty darn cool.
Monday, September 26, 2011
Day 16, Deuteronomy 8-19
Today's reading includes the rest of Moses's second discourse to the Israelites, which is mostly a summary of the journey to the promised land along with an assortment of laws, most of which we've already heard.
Chapter 8 opens with Moses's imploration (yes that's a word I looked it up on thesaurus.com!) that the Israelites remain loyal to their God even as they enjoy the fruits of Canaan. He reminds them of when they were hungry in the wilderness and God provided them with manna, "to teach [them] that people cannot live on bread alone, but that they live on every word that comes from the mouth of God" (Deut 8:3). Spoiler alert: Jesus says this later, when he meets the devil in the wilderness. What the fuck, man, I thought he made it up! I am really pissed about this, it was such a bomb line for the situation. I guess academic integrity isn't one of the ten commandments!! You copycat, Jesus!
Moses also lets the Israelites know that while God's actions may have seemed at times cruel and unprecedented, he was actually "disciplining [them] as a father disciplines his son" (Deut 8:5). Ah yes. How this hearkens to the days of my youth, when my father set me on fire and caused the earth to open up and swallow me, in the name of discipline. Spare the rod and spoil the child, as they say!
In chapter 9, Moses talks about the current inhabitants of Canaan, "a great and tall people, the descendants of the Anakim" (9:2). Anakim Skywalker? Wow! Awesome! Moses tells the Jews that they will be able to conquer these people, but as they eagerly reach for their light sabers, he bids them to remember "it is not because of your merit or your integrity that you are entering their land to occupy it; it is because of the wickedness of these nations that the Lord your God is driving them out before you" (Deut 9:5). Moses goes on to elaborate on how whiny and stubborn the Israelites have been to further emphasize that they are no great shakes themselves. These reminiscences last for a few chapters, since Moses has a lot of quality examples of the Jews's inappropriate behavior over the past forty years. As he reminisces, he simultaneously urges the Israelites to conduct themselves better and to "love the Lord your God and keep for all time the charge he laid upon you" (Deut 11:1).
Chapter 12 contains another reiteration of the countless laws we've learned throughout Exodus, Leviticus, and Numbers. Most of this is old hat for us diligent readers, but this section is notable for some amusing phrasing: "When the Lord your God enlarges your territory, as he has promised, and you say to yourselves, 'I should like to eat meat,' because you have a craving for it, then you may freely eat it." (Deut 12:20). I just love the NARRATIVE STRUCTURE. It's like Moses is trying to make his laws more lively because he knows we're getting bored. Look, there's dialogue! There's motivation! And a happy ending! What a great law this is.
Moses also warns the Israelites not to partake in human sacrifice like the other tribes inhabiting Canaan, who burn "even their sons and their daughters...in honor of their gods" (Deut 12:31). Intense!
Chapter 13 is about prophets, and I thought it was great. Basically, God warns against false prophets and diviners, saying "Should a prophet or a pedlar of dreams appear among you and offer you a sign or a portent, and call on you to go after other gods whom you have not known and to worship them, even if the sign or portent should come true do not heed the words of that prophet or dreamer" (Deut 13:1-3). In other words, don't accept proof! God explains that these phenomena are just tests through which God will discover "whether you love him with all your heart and soul" (Deut 13:3), and the false prophet "must be put to death for preaching rebellion against the Lord your God who brought you out of Egypt and redeemed you from that land of slavery" (Deut 13:5). Geez God, can you stop bringing up that you brought the Jews out of Egypt every other sentence? Got a little inferiority complex going on there?
The reason I loved this section so much is because it totally sets a precedent for religious whackjobs that persists into the modern day. Evolution? Psh, it's just one of God's tests!
Chapter 14 talks about conduct for mourning -- Jews are not to "gash [themselves] or shave [their] forelocks...for the dead" (Deut 14:1) -- and also repeats an assortment of dietary laws. Chapter 15 concerns the "jubilee" or sabbath year for the land, and provides guidelines on how to treat the poor. Moses begins this chapter by declaring that "there will never be any poor among you if only you obey the Lord your God" (Deut 15:4), then goes on a few lines later to say "the poor will always be with you in your land" (Deut 15:11). Evidently, Moses is either getting senile or has very little faith in the Jews's ability to be obedient!
Chapter 16 is about holidays, and since it is rather uninteresting I will take this moment to share a fun fact about Passover I learned from one of my textbooks! The traditional Passover rites were in fact very different from the Passover we celebrate today, with the holiday originally focused on the sacrifice of a ram. Today, Passover centers around a feast called a seder, which has its origins during the period of Hellenization and is actually quite reminiscent of a Greek symposium! It is likely that the traditions shifted as Jews became more dispersed throughout Europe and the Middle East, and it became impossible for them to make yearly pilgrimages to Jerusalem.
The more you know!
Chapter 17 talks about stoning wicked people to death and not to sacrifice rams with blemishes, basically the same old stuff we've seen over and over. It also addresses the issue of kings, stating that human kings must always be appointed by and subservient to God.
Chapter 18 returns to the subject of prophets. Moses explains that sometimes God will select someone to serve as his mouthpiece, and this person must be obeyed. On how to recognize a prophet, he says, "When a word spoken by a prophet in the name of the Lord is not fulfilled and does not come true, it is not a word spoken by the Lord. The prophet has spoken presumptuously; have no fear of him" (Deut 18:22). But what if it does come true and is a test?! What the hell kind of useless information is this, Moses?
Chapter 19 restates the rules about cities of refuge and elaborates a bit on how the judicial system is to work. In order for someone to be convicted, there must be evidence from more than one witness, and if someone is caught giving false evidence he must be "treat[ed]...as he intended to treat his fellow" (Deut 19:19). According to Moses, we "must show no mercy" (Deut 19:21)! Okay! Good to know!
That just about wraps things up. Tomorrow takes us almost to the end of Deuteronomy, and on Wednesday we will embark on the Book of Joshua. Hopefully after this, we will get more storytime and less law!
I wanted to thank everyone who has been reading along and leaving comments. Blogger doesn't let me reply to them directly, which is annoying, but I wanted everyone to know that I read them all and I really appreciate getting them! You guys are the best!
Chapter 8 opens with Moses's imploration (yes that's a word I looked it up on thesaurus.com!) that the Israelites remain loyal to their God even as they enjoy the fruits of Canaan. He reminds them of when they were hungry in the wilderness and God provided them with manna, "to teach [them] that people cannot live on bread alone, but that they live on every word that comes from the mouth of God" (Deut 8:3). Spoiler alert: Jesus says this later, when he meets the devil in the wilderness. What the fuck, man, I thought he made it up! I am really pissed about this, it was such a bomb line for the situation. I guess academic integrity isn't one of the ten commandments!! You copycat, Jesus!
Moses also lets the Israelites know that while God's actions may have seemed at times cruel and unprecedented, he was actually "disciplining [them] as a father disciplines his son" (Deut 8:5). Ah yes. How this hearkens to the days of my youth, when my father set me on fire and caused the earth to open up and swallow me, in the name of discipline. Spare the rod and spoil the child, as they say!
In chapter 9, Moses talks about the current inhabitants of Canaan, "a great and tall people, the descendants of the Anakim" (9:2). Anakim Skywalker? Wow! Awesome! Moses tells the Jews that they will be able to conquer these people, but as they eagerly reach for their light sabers, he bids them to remember "it is not because of your merit or your integrity that you are entering their land to occupy it; it is because of the wickedness of these nations that the Lord your God is driving them out before you" (Deut 9:5). Moses goes on to elaborate on how whiny and stubborn the Israelites have been to further emphasize that they are no great shakes themselves. These reminiscences last for a few chapters, since Moses has a lot of quality examples of the Jews's inappropriate behavior over the past forty years. As he reminisces, he simultaneously urges the Israelites to conduct themselves better and to "love the Lord your God and keep for all time the charge he laid upon you" (Deut 11:1).
Chapter 12 contains another reiteration of the countless laws we've learned throughout Exodus, Leviticus, and Numbers. Most of this is old hat for us diligent readers, but this section is notable for some amusing phrasing: "When the Lord your God enlarges your territory, as he has promised, and you say to yourselves, 'I should like to eat meat,' because you have a craving for it, then you may freely eat it." (Deut 12:20). I just love the NARRATIVE STRUCTURE. It's like Moses is trying to make his laws more lively because he knows we're getting bored. Look, there's dialogue! There's motivation! And a happy ending! What a great law this is.
Moses also warns the Israelites not to partake in human sacrifice like the other tribes inhabiting Canaan, who burn "even their sons and their daughters...in honor of their gods" (Deut 12:31). Intense!
Chapter 13 is about prophets, and I thought it was great. Basically, God warns against false prophets and diviners, saying "Should a prophet or a pedlar of dreams appear among you and offer you a sign or a portent, and call on you to go after other gods whom you have not known and to worship them, even if the sign or portent should come true do not heed the words of that prophet or dreamer" (Deut 13:1-3). In other words, don't accept proof! God explains that these phenomena are just tests through which God will discover "whether you love him with all your heart and soul" (Deut 13:3), and the false prophet "must be put to death for preaching rebellion against the Lord your God who brought you out of Egypt and redeemed you from that land of slavery" (Deut 13:5). Geez God, can you stop bringing up that you brought the Jews out of Egypt every other sentence? Got a little inferiority complex going on there?
The reason I loved this section so much is because it totally sets a precedent for religious whackjobs that persists into the modern day. Evolution? Psh, it's just one of God's tests!
Chapter 14 talks about conduct for mourning -- Jews are not to "gash [themselves] or shave [their] forelocks...for the dead" (Deut 14:1) -- and also repeats an assortment of dietary laws. Chapter 15 concerns the "jubilee" or sabbath year for the land, and provides guidelines on how to treat the poor. Moses begins this chapter by declaring that "there will never be any poor among you if only you obey the Lord your God" (Deut 15:4), then goes on a few lines later to say "the poor will always be with you in your land" (Deut 15:11). Evidently, Moses is either getting senile or has very little faith in the Jews's ability to be obedient!
Chapter 16 is about holidays, and since it is rather uninteresting I will take this moment to share a fun fact about Passover I learned from one of my textbooks! The traditional Passover rites were in fact very different from the Passover we celebrate today, with the holiday originally focused on the sacrifice of a ram. Today, Passover centers around a feast called a seder, which has its origins during the period of Hellenization and is actually quite reminiscent of a Greek symposium! It is likely that the traditions shifted as Jews became more dispersed throughout Europe and the Middle East, and it became impossible for them to make yearly pilgrimages to Jerusalem.
The more you know!
Chapter 17 talks about stoning wicked people to death and not to sacrifice rams with blemishes, basically the same old stuff we've seen over and over. It also addresses the issue of kings, stating that human kings must always be appointed by and subservient to God.
Chapter 18 returns to the subject of prophets. Moses explains that sometimes God will select someone to serve as his mouthpiece, and this person must be obeyed. On how to recognize a prophet, he says, "When a word spoken by a prophet in the name of the Lord is not fulfilled and does not come true, it is not a word spoken by the Lord. The prophet has spoken presumptuously; have no fear of him" (Deut 18:22). But what if it does come true and is a test?! What the hell kind of useless information is this, Moses?
Chapter 19 restates the rules about cities of refuge and elaborates a bit on how the judicial system is to work. In order for someone to be convicted, there must be evidence from more than one witness, and if someone is caught giving false evidence he must be "treat[ed]...as he intended to treat his fellow" (Deut 19:19). According to Moses, we "must show no mercy" (Deut 19:21)! Okay! Good to know!
That just about wraps things up. Tomorrow takes us almost to the end of Deuteronomy, and on Wednesday we will embark on the Book of Joshua. Hopefully after this, we will get more storytime and less law!
I wanted to thank everyone who has been reading along and leaving comments. Blogger doesn't let me reply to them directly, which is annoying, but I wanted everyone to know that I read them all and I really appreciate getting them! You guys are the best!
Sunday, September 25, 2011
Day 15, Numbers 34-36, Deuteronomy 1-7
Good morning, and happy Sunday. If you don't mind, I would like to take a moment to reflect on some sad events in my own life before beginning today's entry, and perhaps raise some discussion questions. Today, I am distressed to say, is an hour of solemn mourning for all of Giants Nation, because our noble and valiant baseball team has fallen from contention. We will not be making the playoffs.
Why, you may be asking, do I have the gall to bring up this completely unrelated event instead of doing my job and talking about the bible? Well, this tragic circumstance got me thinking. It is so easy for those of us who consider ourselves atheists, agnostic, or otherwise rational thinkers to pass harsh judgment on people with religious convictions. We examine this text and see the contradictions, the absurdities, and we scoff at them. But today I wonder, how different are we? After all, I believed passionately that this moribund and hapless group of ball players might string together enough wins to capture their division and defend their World Series Championship -- even as evidence repeatedly showed me it was not to be. I think that everyone must hold some sort of bizarre and nonsensical conviction that gives them comfort and helps them sleep at night. As long as these beliefs don't hurt anyone, I don't see a problem with it -- that's to say, Christians should refrain from starting Holy Wars, and I will refrain from hitting Dodgers fans on the head with a baseball bat.
With that being said, I'd like to pose the question: what do you believe in? Leave a comment and tell us about it! Is it crazy? That's okay. Don't worry about it. We still like you.
Onto the bible! Today's reading was somewhat uneventful, which makes me feel a little better about taking that self-indulgent prelude. In chapter 34, Moses explains the boundaries of the promised land, and gives instructions on how to take it. He picks a leader from each tribe who is to be in charge of assigning the territory, since God has decreed that Moses himself must die before the group enters Canaan.
Chapter 35 gives us some weird murder laws. Basically, certain murders -- like striking someone with iron or a "wooden thing" (Numbers 35:18) -- are immediately punishable by death, whereas more subjective deaths are subject to greater scrutiny. However, instead of a typical trial as we westernized readers might expect, the killer is instead instructed to go to a "city of refuge", where he will live until the high priest dies and is replaced. Then he's free to go. Um... Okay!
God wraps this section up by declaring to the people, "You must not defile your land by bloodshed. Blood defiles the land; no expiation can be made on behalf of the land for blood shed on it, except by the blood of him who shed it" (Numbers 35:33). Cool! Makes perfect sense! Since killing defiles the land, we should solve this problem by killing killers!
Chapter 37 concerns our gang of well-named heiress sisters from yesterday's reading: Mahlah, Tirzah, Hoglah, Milcah, and Noah. Everyone is nervous about them inheriting money, being women and all, so it is decreed that any woman who inherits money from a dead relative must marry within her tribe, so that inheritance cannot pass between the tribes. The girls oblige and all marry their cousins.
And thus ends the book of Numbers! Before we embark on Deuteronomy I will provide the cursory etymology. The word Deuteronomy means "second law" and apparently we should expect to see repetition of much of the legislation from Exodus, Leviticus, and Numbers. Oh boy. Legislation is so fun, especially legislation we've already read. The majority of Deuteronomy is a series of first-person discourses that Moses makes to the people before his death.
Moses kicks off his first sermon by providing a lengthy and rather revisionist recap of the forty years spent in the wilderness; for instance, when he discusses the disloyal scouts he claims that the Israelites insisted upon sending them, rather than God. He also describes an event where the Israelites ignore God's command that they refrain from fighting the Amorites, who subsequently "[come] out against [them] and [swarm] after [them] like bees" (Deut 1:44). My bible's footnotes don't draw any attention to this, which makes me wonder... Did I miss something? I totally don't remember this happening!
Chapters 2 and 3 continue the summary, which I won't delve into because we've already read the books being discussed. Who wants to read a summary of a summary? I will say that I felt a little bad for Moses when he got to the part of the story where he appoints Joshua as his successor. He relates a conversation he had with God, where he pleaded, "Let me cross over, I beg, and see that good land which lies on the other side of the Jordan, and the fine hill-country and the Lebanon" (Deut 3:25). But God refuses his request, saying that he should instead "go to the top of Pisgah and look west and north, south and east; look well at what you see, for you will not cross this river Jordan" (Deut 3:27). Poor guy! He worked so hard on behalf of the whiny Israelites, and now he doesn't even get to see the fruit of his labor.
Chapter 4 emphasizes the importance of following the covenant once the Israelites are settled in Canaan, especially the part about worshiping only one God, and not making idols. I have to say, the Jewish rejection of idols is actually pretty cool and interesting; the ancient Greeks were intrigued by it, and during the period of Hellenization would send philosophers into Palestine to observe the Jewish customs. While most Near Eastern temples during this period would contain a sacrificial room with an idol of the group's god, the Jewish temple featured an empty room for sacrifices. Their devotion to an abstract and intangible God is quite unique.
Chapter 5 repeats the Ten Commandments, and chapter 6 is simply an "elaboration" on the first of these laws -- to "love [God] and keep [his] commandments" (Deut 5:10).
Chapter 7, today's final chapter, concerns the dislodged groups throughout Canaan: the Hittites, Girgashites, Amorites, Canaanites, Perizzites, Hivites, and Jebusites. God tells the Israelites to treat them mercilessly; they must "pull down their altars, break their sacred pillars, hack down their sacred poles, and burn their idols" (Deut 7:5). Wow! What a jerk! I still don't get why God has a "chosen people" who gets all these special privileges, especially when the Jews are so whiny. What on earth makes him like them so much?
God goes on to say that if the Israelites follow the covenant, they will be exceedingly prosperous. Among other things, God promises, "Neither among your people nor among your cattle will their be an impotent male or a barren female [and] the Lord will keep you free from all sickness" (Deut 7:14-15). I wonder what pious Jews of later times would think when they got a cold, or when their cow had a miscarriage! That they had inadvertently defied God and were being punished?
The chapter ends with a repetition of the importance to worship only one God and to not make idols. Apparently we should remember this one! Or maybe we should forget it so that it doesn't seem redundant and annoying when it pops up every other sentence.
That's about all for today. Not the most interesting of readings, but better days will come!
Why, you may be asking, do I have the gall to bring up this completely unrelated event instead of doing my job and talking about the bible? Well, this tragic circumstance got me thinking. It is so easy for those of us who consider ourselves atheists, agnostic, or otherwise rational thinkers to pass harsh judgment on people with religious convictions. We examine this text and see the contradictions, the absurdities, and we scoff at them. But today I wonder, how different are we? After all, I believed passionately that this moribund and hapless group of ball players might string together enough wins to capture their division and defend their World Series Championship -- even as evidence repeatedly showed me it was not to be. I think that everyone must hold some sort of bizarre and nonsensical conviction that gives them comfort and helps them sleep at night. As long as these beliefs don't hurt anyone, I don't see a problem with it -- that's to say, Christians should refrain from starting Holy Wars, and I will refrain from hitting Dodgers fans on the head with a baseball bat.
With that being said, I'd like to pose the question: what do you believe in? Leave a comment and tell us about it! Is it crazy? That's okay. Don't worry about it. We still like you.
Onto the bible! Today's reading was somewhat uneventful, which makes me feel a little better about taking that self-indulgent prelude. In chapter 34, Moses explains the boundaries of the promised land, and gives instructions on how to take it. He picks a leader from each tribe who is to be in charge of assigning the territory, since God has decreed that Moses himself must die before the group enters Canaan.
Chapter 35 gives us some weird murder laws. Basically, certain murders -- like striking someone with iron or a "wooden thing" (Numbers 35:18) -- are immediately punishable by death, whereas more subjective deaths are subject to greater scrutiny. However, instead of a typical trial as we westernized readers might expect, the killer is instead instructed to go to a "city of refuge", where he will live until the high priest dies and is replaced. Then he's free to go. Um... Okay!
God wraps this section up by declaring to the people, "You must not defile your land by bloodshed. Blood defiles the land; no expiation can be made on behalf of the land for blood shed on it, except by the blood of him who shed it" (Numbers 35:33). Cool! Makes perfect sense! Since killing defiles the land, we should solve this problem by killing killers!
Chapter 37 concerns our gang of well-named heiress sisters from yesterday's reading: Mahlah, Tirzah, Hoglah, Milcah, and Noah. Everyone is nervous about them inheriting money, being women and all, so it is decreed that any woman who inherits money from a dead relative must marry within her tribe, so that inheritance cannot pass between the tribes. The girls oblige and all marry their cousins.
And thus ends the book of Numbers! Before we embark on Deuteronomy I will provide the cursory etymology. The word Deuteronomy means "second law" and apparently we should expect to see repetition of much of the legislation from Exodus, Leviticus, and Numbers. Oh boy. Legislation is so fun, especially legislation we've already read. The majority of Deuteronomy is a series of first-person discourses that Moses makes to the people before his death.
Moses kicks off his first sermon by providing a lengthy and rather revisionist recap of the forty years spent in the wilderness; for instance, when he discusses the disloyal scouts he claims that the Israelites insisted upon sending them, rather than God. He also describes an event where the Israelites ignore God's command that they refrain from fighting the Amorites, who subsequently "[come] out against [them] and [swarm] after [them] like bees" (Deut 1:44). My bible's footnotes don't draw any attention to this, which makes me wonder... Did I miss something? I totally don't remember this happening!
Chapters 2 and 3 continue the summary, which I won't delve into because we've already read the books being discussed. Who wants to read a summary of a summary? I will say that I felt a little bad for Moses when he got to the part of the story where he appoints Joshua as his successor. He relates a conversation he had with God, where he pleaded, "Let me cross over, I beg, and see that good land which lies on the other side of the Jordan, and the fine hill-country and the Lebanon" (Deut 3:25). But God refuses his request, saying that he should instead "go to the top of Pisgah and look west and north, south and east; look well at what you see, for you will not cross this river Jordan" (Deut 3:27). Poor guy! He worked so hard on behalf of the whiny Israelites, and now he doesn't even get to see the fruit of his labor.
Chapter 4 emphasizes the importance of following the covenant once the Israelites are settled in Canaan, especially the part about worshiping only one God, and not making idols. I have to say, the Jewish rejection of idols is actually pretty cool and interesting; the ancient Greeks were intrigued by it, and during the period of Hellenization would send philosophers into Palestine to observe the Jewish customs. While most Near Eastern temples during this period would contain a sacrificial room with an idol of the group's god, the Jewish temple featured an empty room for sacrifices. Their devotion to an abstract and intangible God is quite unique.
Chapter 5 repeats the Ten Commandments, and chapter 6 is simply an "elaboration" on the first of these laws -- to "love [God] and keep [his] commandments" (Deut 5:10).
Chapter 7, today's final chapter, concerns the dislodged groups throughout Canaan: the Hittites, Girgashites, Amorites, Canaanites, Perizzites, Hivites, and Jebusites. God tells the Israelites to treat them mercilessly; they must "pull down their altars, break their sacred pillars, hack down their sacred poles, and burn their idols" (Deut 7:5). Wow! What a jerk! I still don't get why God has a "chosen people" who gets all these special privileges, especially when the Jews are so whiny. What on earth makes him like them so much?
God goes on to say that if the Israelites follow the covenant, they will be exceedingly prosperous. Among other things, God promises, "Neither among your people nor among your cattle will their be an impotent male or a barren female [and] the Lord will keep you free from all sickness" (Deut 7:14-15). I wonder what pious Jews of later times would think when they got a cold, or when their cow had a miscarriage! That they had inadvertently defied God and were being punished?
The chapter ends with a repetition of the importance to worship only one God and to not make idols. Apparently we should remember this one! Or maybe we should forget it so that it doesn't seem redundant and annoying when it pops up every other sentence.
That's about all for today. Not the most interesting of readings, but better days will come!
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